Alienated into all Recognition
Portraiture as an Occasion for Painting
I. Before painting
The painter Mahsberg paints portraits, the faces of concrete, identifiable people. Famous heads are to be seen: those of Carl Friedrich
von Weizsäcker, Thomas Mann, Heinrich Mann, Frank Wedekind, or Lovis Corinth. The repertoireis inexhaustible, and comprises
creative artists and protagonists of culture from many centuries - a rich encyclopedic stock.
The portraits are the point of departure, and the stock that they comprise is the repository in pictures, accessible to all, of a cultural
tradition. If one leafs through encyclopedias, cultural histories, or historical picture-books, a panorama of icons of cultural creativity unfolds
before one's eyes. And the viewer may yield to the illusion of closeness to the work of the person portrayed that the familiar portrait
suggests. We feel we "know" Goethe whenever we see Joseph Karl Stieler's picture of him. In the case of Beethoven, too, the frequent
reproduction of his portrait by Stieler has conjured up a legendary countenance of the composer of genius.: vera icon. The subject's gaze,
directed at or past us, possesses a familiarity with which we too readily identify: we feel his art to be within our reach. The individual
personality, despite its actual absence, becomes present in the portrait, unmistakable in its uniqueness, and this fascinates us.
Already in the late 18th century, when the creative individual was enshrined in the notion of genius, physiognomy was an occasion for
sometimes overdone reflections on the connection between character and a person's external appearance. In his book "On Physiognomy",
Johann Caspar Lavater wrote: "Reason jibs indeed at the idea of someone claiming that the soul of Leibnitz or Newton, the great
metaphysician and mathematician, might have inhabited the body of an idiot or of a person out of an asylum; that one of them might,
within the skull of a Lapp, have conceived the theodicy, or the other, within the head of a black with a squashed nose and eyes starting out
of his head, his lips so swollen as hardly to cover his teeth, all thick and fleshy, might have weighed the planets or split beams of light."
Eccentric, not to say discriminating, as such remarks strike us today as being, they make clear the promise held out by the aspect of the
visible face, even up to the present.
In an age in which any picture is technically reproducible in unlimited quantities, the iconic effect is all the greater, since most of the
paintings we have in mind originated at a time when a portrait was something unique, a rarity, and also not always preserved,
whether in oil or as a photograph.
We know our Shakespeare as depicted with a beard, thinning shoulder-length hair, and earring. We know our Mozart topped by a wig
with a pigtail, or with tousled hair and wide-open eyes; Goethe's notably large nose and projecting lower lip, even when his teeth had
become fewer; and our Hermann Hesse with short white hair, sunken cheeks and round metal-rimmed spectacles. But when we are
confronted with an early photograph of him at the turn of the 19th century, with dark hair and dense beard, is that still Hesse?
The author of "Ulisses" differs from the author of "Steppenwolf" by reason of the prolongation of the face with its projecting lower jaw, and
glasses the same shape but with noticeably stronger lenses.
The repertoire of past pictures of famous heads, with the feeling of proximity to the great that they stimulate, has survived to join the
modern flood of pictures in the media. Mahsberg conjures up this reservoir of intellectual history, preserving it for our time through the
simple but very effective device of the portrait - through the heads of the "dramatis personae". There is your Mozart, there Beethoven,
there Schubert.
II. The act of painting
Mahsberg draws on this reservoir of icons, takes them as a point of departure, commences his painting by proceeding from these pictures.
The ancestral gallery of resemblance first takes shape in the head. It is the cognitive result of a process of coordination; structures are
explored as when reading a word, structures which are features, facial features. Recognisable traits turn shapes into portraits.
Mahsberg's work proceeds from this familiarity, and works, using disturbing formats, to create portraits alienated "into all recognition".
In the original Latin sense of the word, he "pro-tracts", or draws forth, the essence, creates features that in the mind of the viewer combine
in indications of faces, moving towards the notion of an unmistakable face. This is an appropriate enough use for painting.
Mahsberg's paintings wallow in paint, thickly spread and raised so as to create the impression of a a stark moon landscape. His pictures
are multi-coloured; he transforms the likeness, already alienated by the black and white print of an old encyclopedia, into something new
and expressive, indeed to some extent expressionistic. The paint is at the same time the surface, a mountain range behind which a head
appears to be concealed.
Mahsberg's works are characterised by the indefatigable persistence of painting. First, pieces of wood cut to shape are put together to
form a surface, then bound in cotton, without grounding; this produces a sequence of continually new works. The process that commences
following the stage of picture-finding in the encyclopedia is, in the case of the hundreds of pictures 7.5 x 7.5 cm in size, that of a stirring up
of most restricted space, sometimes also merely a gesture towards shapes, followed by a coarse smudging with a brush or spatula.
The portrait, passing from the encyclopedia into the artist's mind, gives the impression of having receded to an unattainable distance,
sometimes recognisable, but sometimes also crushed out of recognition.
Distance, too, is an important aesthetic viewpoint in Mahsberg's work. The painter consciously takes up the temporality that is also to be
felt in a portrait. An historical consciousness becomes evident for which Mahsberg frequently combines with the oils a new material,
silicon. Many of his larger-sized paintings are covered with a layer of silicon 5 to 10 cm thick. Beneath this milky surface, the facial features
rendered in oil are blurred: beneath the relief of the thick layer of paint, similarity is no longer discoverable, but veiled so as to be reduced to
a mere hint. Especially in the case of the large formats of 75 x 75 cm, this is combined with the need for the viewer to stay at a considerable
distance from the picture, so that the diverging individual shapes can recombine in a face. In this process, oil painting becomes sheer
priming. Like the imprimatur of Italian medieval panel painting, in which the human skin was structured against a background of
Green Earth  in varnishes of white and vermilion, the layer of paint beneath shimmers through the layer of silicon. This reduces the
proportion of the visible to a shadowy structure which, for instance, reduces the feminine features of the engraving of Novalis to the dark
patches of the large, wideset eyes, and the fleshy mouth, flanked by the indistinct outlines of the prominent cheekbones.
There is a constant succession of suggestive spaces, evoked by the sparse brush-strokes or the veil of silicon. The viewer - if he has
the idea of portrayal in mind - fills them in with the familiarity and closeness that one feels oneself to have in relation to the particular writer,
musician, scientist or painter. From the number of small squares already made and rapidly being created, one could almost read
something like "peinture automatique", self-painting pictures that appear to the artist as the real result of his efforts.  The aim is not
portraiture as such; Mahsberg's sole goal is painting itself.
III. After painting
The portrait is a familiar and accustomed element in the museum. In the case of the Leopold Hoesch Museum in Düren, there is a stock
of mainly classsical Modernists, including an unidentified "Girl with a Red Bow" by Jawlensky, a male portrait by Davringhausen, and the
concrete portraits of Otto Dix, his father, his mother, or of Emil Nolde.
The museum has been taken over by Mahsberg's portraits. This is required by the particular formats and the sheer quantity of pictures.
There are no rows, but the various squares, circumscribed by empty surfaces above each other or beside each other, fill the walls of
the room.
However, the richness does not only manifest itself and culminate in the hanging, but spreads around, taking possession of the
environment. Here, the museum's collection is suddenly pervaded by Mahsberg's small squares, which engage in a dialogue with the
"classics", showing classics themselves - and at the same time remaining what they are: paintings.
Joachim Geil (Leopold Hoesch Museum, Düren)
1 Lavater, Johann Caspar: On Physiognomy (Von der Physiognomik), Frankfurt/M
- Leipzig 1991 (originally 1772), p. 14


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Dirty Little Secret
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story and do not make any money off of it.
fast_forward
Hannah Rogers was a shy withdrawn young lady who had just graduated high school. After her boyfriend Bright cheated on her she was devastated but after his near-death experience she realized that she still cared about him deeply and agreed to be friends with him, though both of them clearly still had feelings for one another. Hannah wasn't quite ready to go back to girlfriend status, though that wasn't solely because of the cheating, there was another reason and one that Hannah had kept to herself and not told a single living soul about for fear of judgement from others(especially considering her religious background, though Amy had managed to sway her over to supporting abortion after she pointed out that the Bible never actually condemned abortion)Hannah had a dirty little secret about herself that she'd discovered in high school as a freshman-she liked to wet herself for fun, and the kicker was she'd discovered it by complete accident, it wasn't something she'd deliberately sought out.
On her first day of freshman year of high school, Hannah was so nervous she'd had a lot to drink during breakfast and lunch and near the end of the day her bladder was absolutely bursting, she was more desperate then she'd ever been in her entire life but she was much too shy and nervous to ask the teachers if she could use the bathroom(not to mention she was shy about using public bathrooms for both hygienic reasons and because she felt self conscious peeing around others). She resolved to hold it until she got home, gym class was an absolutely nightmare as running laps was absolute murder on her bladder and by the time class was over she was feeling herself starting to leak into her boxer shorts, she waddled towards the locker rooms as quick as she could(she always liked to wait until the rest of the girls had left the locker room as she was painfully shy about exposing her nude body in front of other people and was nervous about seeing other girls nude)thankfully the locker rooms were empty now, but just as Hannah had opened her gym locker to change into her street clothes the dam burst and she could no longer hold back the raging flood inside her, a huge pressure jet of pee surged out of her, drenching her boxers and sky-blue gym shorts in seconds. Having lost the battle Hannah felt burning humiliation at first but then another feeling quickly replaced it-pleasure, as her intense spray of piss kept raging on for several minutes Hannah suddenly felt herself getting goosebumps all over her body and a slow surge of pleasure gradually coming over her entire body, it got more and more intense until finally she felt an explosion of pleasure that radiated throughout her entire core and knocked her on her ass as her epic flood of urine continued flowing out of her unabated, Hannah relaxed leaning back against the locker in pure bliss until her ocean of pee had finally relented. Hannah couldn't believe what had just happened to her, had she just had an orgasm without even touching herself? She'd always thought masturbation was a sin after hearing some of her church peers badmouthing it and she vowed to herself that she would never do it, she figured as long as she never touched her genitals outside of taking a shower that she'd be fine, and yet she'd orgasmed without any touching required whatsoever. So did that still count as masturbation? Had she just sinned? Hannah's mind was spinning trying to make sense of it all.
"No it can't be a sin!" Hannah said to herself "everyone at the church said touching yourself down below outside of showers and baths was wrong, but I didn't do any of that so it can't be wrong!" "Besides it felt so good, so it can't be a sin!" she reasoned out loud. At any rate her shorts and underwear were soaked good, she changed out of her gym shorts and underwear, fortunately she'd been wearing a skort to school today so she didn't have to totally go commando or anything. She buried her clothes at the bottom of her backpack, fortunately by sheer chance Hannah's mom asked her when she got home if she could do laundry(as she was busy taking care of Hannah's dad with his Huntington's Disease getting worse every day)to which Hannah quickly agreed, tossing her wet clothes in with the rest of the outfits on the hamper and starting the load up. As Hannah was sitting on the washing machine pondering everything that had happened to her today, the machine started it's final spin and Hannah was about to get off when she felt more pleasure come over her, it was just like before at the gym except this time there was some stimulation below, but she still technically wasn't touching herself down there so technically it wasn't a sin right? She told herself that as her pleasure climbed higher and she once again had an explosive orgasm that left her reeling, she heard footsteps coming down and quickly recovered and tried to look like she hadn't just had an intense experience. One thing was for sure, Hannah would definitely have to do this again.
Since that day Hannah had wet herself secretly whenever she could, she never once had to touch herself, just the act of releasing her own piss into her shorts was enough to set her off every time, and she'd also found more ways to stimulate herself without touching her vagina outside of cleaning herself. She accepted a ride on a motorcycle from one of her dads friends and the vibration gave her several orgasms to the point where she was practically delirious when they finally reached their destination, she'd helped her neighbor out with his pressure washer and the intense vibrations against her crotch gave her a climax that almost made her black out with pleasure, and she'd discovered that Nimbus 2000 Harry Potter broom she'd gotten as a birthday gift years ago was good for more then just riding it and using her imagination(though she certainly did that too while she was getting off). However she still kept her escapades to herself due to her own shyness and not wanting to be judged by others. Who needed friends when she could have this much fun by herself anyways? Besides this secret of hers was helping Hannah cope with the tragedy her family was going through with her dad, every time she felt sad she would do her routine and feel better. Her mom thankfully didn't see anything strange about Hannah not having any friends or spending all of her spare time in her room, reasoning that it was just her shyness combined with the sadness of losing her father.
Even after Hannah moved to Nina's house in Everwood she still kept up her secret routine, even though Nina was more open-minded then most people in this small town Hannah would still never dream of telling her her naughty secrets, it would've been far too mortifying and awkward. However there was one person Hannah was planning on telling her secret to-Bright, she really thought he was "the one" but his cheating shattered that belief(at least temporarily) and that day she'd been ready to tell him about her secret(her feeling guilty about the two of them not talking for 2 days was what ultimately made her resolve to tell him, and since she'd already gotten nude in front of him in the shower she figured it wouldn't be too much of a stretch) and how maybe she could make out with him while wetting herself, she'd reasoned that she wouldn't technically be breaking her "no sex until marriage" pact since both of them would be fully-clothed and neither Bright nor Hannah would be touching one another's private areas, and she'd thought maybe just maybe Bright would really get into it too and they'd both be able to orgasm without actually touching one another's genitals, but part of Hannah was also afraid Bright would be too weirded out by it and reject her, and the fucked up part was part of her was almost glad Bright had cheated on her as it gave her the perfect excuse not to put her deepest darkest secret out there for him. For awhile Hannah reasoned that this was a sign from above that her and Bright were not destined to be a couple, but Hannah still couldn't get him out of her mind as much as she tried and she really did want to give him another chance. But the fear of rejection was still very much there, Hannah had to tell someone else first and get their advice before opening up to Bright like that, and she decided the best person to tell was Bright's own sister Amy.
Amy and Hannah had become fast friends who told one another everything, Hannah was grateful to finally have a friend like Amy, a beautiful and gorgeous and sexy... Dammit! Hannah mentally cursed herself for going to that place again, ever since she'd met Amy she'd started having weird alien thoughts about her in a sexual way, which surprised her as she'd never considered herself gay or even bi(though now that she'd thought about it, another reason she always waited to go into the locker room was because she was afraid of the other girls getting weirded out by her starring at their gorgeous naked bodies for too long) but her desires for Amy were undeniable. But it wasn't like she could do anything about it with Amy dating Ephram again and being inseparable since that day at the ferris wheel and with her and Bright getting closer again. So she'd tried to put those thoughts out of her mind, but Amy sure didn't make it easy for her, she remembered all the times she'd been next to Amy while she was nude in the changing room in clothes stores or in the locker rooms, she was truly beautiful to look at and Hannah's orgasms were always particularly epic whenever she thought about Amy in that way, she looked so hot in her gym shorts, Hannah had gotten accidentally beaned with a basketball more then once after getting too distracted starring at Amy's ass. Fortunately Amy and the others never noticed thankfully, gym was never Hannah's best subject anyways so nobody saw anything unusual about that. Hannah had also gotten turned on whenever she'd seen Amy and other females desperate to pee, and Amy wasn't the only woman she was thinking about in a sexual way other. She was even starting to see her former caregiver Nina in that light, she'd seen Nina working out in short-shorts and practically drooled and fainted and had to rush into the bathroom to "Take care' of herself by rubbing Nina's "foot massager" against her crotch, she'd also accidentally seen Nina naked more then once when going to take a shower. Even though Nina was an older woman who'd practically been her mom for the last two years Hannah couldn't help but occasionally think of her in a sexual light. But again it wasn't like she could do anything about that with her being engaged to Andy, even if she wasn't she knew Nina would almost certainly be too weirded out to do anything like that with Hannah due to seeing her as like a daughter.
Amy was definitely the most open-minded person she'd ever met, Hannah could take comfort knowing that Amy would never blab her secrets to anyone, not even Ephram. So she resolved to tell Amy today what she was going through and ask her for advice. Hannah hesitantly rang the doorbell to the Abbot's house(fortunately Amy's parents were away on vacation) and Amy answered in a sports bra that showed off her breasts and tight black shorts that perfectly clung to her ass, suddenly Hannah's mouth felt try and she started getting wet, this was going to be harder then she thought. "Hey Hannah!" Amy responded in her usual bright and cheery voice, "I was just about to go out for a run, but we can talk for a bit". Hannah walked in and Amy led her into her old bedroom(Bright's room had been turned into a nursery while Amy's parents were looking after Kathy's baby while trying to find her, fortunately they were able to track her down and get her condition under control so she felt comfortable taking back her child)which was still exactly the way she'd left it(no doubt because her parents were still guilt-ridden over how badly they'd treated her over Tommy and driving her to run away, she hadn't let them off the hook for it and didn't fully forgive them until they gave her back the car)Amy and Hannah both sat on the bed chatting just like they did in high school, it brought back a lot of fond memories. Hannah admired how great Amy smelled like always, after their usual small talk about their lives(Amy was putting in a lot of volunteer work for Planned Parenthood, which Hannah had learned to accept and she'd even refered a few of her church friends over who had gotten pregnant themselves, causing her to realize the flaw of Abstinence-only teaching)the topic inevitably went into their love lives with Amy gushing on about Ephram and her(he'd given her back the infinity necklace finally and it looked great on her)and Hannah got all wistful thinking of the good times her and Bright had, she remembered how hurt and angry she was after he confessed to cheating on her, as soon as he left Hannah had downed every single bottle of Gatorade she'd bought for their planned camping trip, pushing herself to her limits farther then ever before and having the longest piss and most explosive orgasm of her life to help ease the pain of her heartbreak.
Amy must've noticed Hannah getting deep in thought and apologized for being insensitive when Hannah's own relationship had gone wrong, "It's OK" Hannah said softly, "That's actually the whole reason I came over today, I wanted to ask you something". Amy listened inquisitively wondering what Hannah needed, "I actually have a confession to make, I decided to not go to Notre Dame" Amy gasped out loud before Hannah continued "I realized that i'd never be able to enjoy myself there knowing i'd be spending every waking moment thinking about Bright, deep down I still love him and I so want to get back together with him again, but i've got a secret that i'm not so sure he'll accept, which brings me to my question, oh god how do I put this it's so embarrassing to say this out loud, does Bright have any "fetishes"?. Hannah turned every shade of red imaginable upon asking that question, it had taken every ounce of courage she had to open up to Amy about this and was praying Amy wouldn't tease her about this. Amy looked surprised upon hearing this, she never would've thought her shy religious best friend would've ever asked a question like this and she was embarrassed to be thinking about her own brothers "fetishes", ugh just thinking about that warded her out! But Hannah was clearly in dire need of her help and she had to try her best, so she racked her brain trying to think of things she'd overheard Bright talking about in regards to his lady conquests and then she remember seeing him hide something underneath the floorboards in his room one day, she'd never checked it out before because she'd had no reason to, but with her best friend looking to her for guidance she figured it was worth a shot. But first she just had to know why Hannah wanted to know this so she asked her best friend "why? do you have a fetish?". Hannah blushed once again, here it was, the first time she was ever going to confess her dirty little secret to anyone, it was now or never, no turning back now. Hannah took a deep breath and quickly told Amy the story about how she'd developed a fetish for wetting herself on purpose, she figured the faster she spoke the easier it would be to get it off her chest, finally after Hannah was done talking she let out a breath of exhaustion, there at long last she'd finally told someone, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders though she was still a bit nervous about how her best friend would react.
Amy's brain was swirling trying to process everything Hannah had told her, she couldn't believe her ears, her shy religious bookworm best friend liked to wet herself on purpose! Amy started blushing herself, mere words couldn't convey what she was feeling right now, she thought about her best friend pissing herself for fun and then found herself starting to get turned on, which shocked her as she'd never thought of Hannah in this light before, but looking at her now she could see how gorgeous her best friend was, especially with those glasses, she'd caught a glimpse of her naked before during one of their sleepovers, Hannah was always shy about getting dressed in front of her, but Amy had pretended to be asleep so as not to disturb Hannah and had seen everything, now her pussy was starting to throb, she was getting wet between her legs and she was starting to sweat with excitement. Hannah noticed Amy's change in expression and asked her if she was OK. Suddenly Amy's sexual impulses overrode the logic center in her mind and before she knew what was happening she was kissing Hannah full on the lips, Hannah was caught completely off guard by this, never expecting her best friend to do this in a million years, even more shocking she found herself actually liking it, she didn't attempt to pull away from Amy in any way and found herself leaning into the kiss. Yep it was definitely official, Hannah Rogers was bi-sexual, some of her church friends definitely weren't going to like this one bit, but oh well. After the kiss ended up Amy realized what she'd done and apologized profusely to Hannah, But Hannah assured her that it was OK and that she actually liked it. "Really, you like kissing girls?" Amy asked in a double-take. "Yeah I guess so" Hannah shrugged, somehow being kissed was making her a lot less embarrassed about herself now. Amy then came to a realization about herself, "I think i'm what you call pan-sexual" she remarked.
Both ladies had discovered something new and exciting about themselves, now the question was what to do about it? Ephram was making things right with Madison in New York right now so she was feeling kinda lonely, now that she thought about it she had to admit Madison was very attractive and she definitely wouldn't mind having a threesome with her and Ephram, maybe she'd do it for his birthday. Amy decided to take things to the next level, she wondered how far Hannah would go with her, she knew her friend had religious hang-ups about sex with guys, but what about women? Amy knew even with Hannah's bi-sexuality that she wouldn't likely get married to a woman, so she wondered if Hannah would be more willing to have sex with a girl as a result. Well there was only one way to find out, Amy by this point was starting to realize she had to pee pretty badly and wasn't far from losing it and she then got a sexy grin, now was the time to rock her best friend's world. "Hey Hannah guess what?" Amy's whispered in her most sexy and sultry voice. "What"? Hannah asked, feeling herself getting turned on and her heart beating a million miles per hour. "I really have to pee" she said in a breathy tone of voice. Hearing those words made Hannah whimper with pleasure and she felt her own pussy dripping with desire, she was paralyzed and stunned, giving Amy the perfect opportunity to sit on her lap and let loose the raging flood of urine inside her, Amy breathed a huge sigh of relief as her bladder emptied, thoroughly soaking her shorts and panties as well as Hannah's sweatpants, suddenly Amy felt her pleasure rising and starting grinding her crotch against Hannah, who found herself doing the same thing, Amy's stream of piss continued as she felt her pleasure growing higher and higher until she had an explosive orgasm the likes of which she'd never had before, screaming incredibly loud(thank fuck her walls were soundproof so nobody outside could hear them)as her orgasm ripped right through her, Hannah's own bladder had been pretty full but for whatever reason she'd never gotten up to relieve it once during their conversation, subconsciously she must've been hoping this would happen with Amy and now that it was Hannah felt her own bladder give out and drench her boxers and further soak her sweats and the bed-sheets, the immensely relief she felt combined with her sexy best friend orgasming soon caused her to have her own epic climax with shrieks of pleasure of her own, after several minutes both women's orgasms finally died and they collapsed together on the bed in a puddle of their own piss. Neither of them could believe they'd just done that, after recovering from her orgasm Hannah then started to get second thoughts about this, "what are you doing?" she scolded herself in her thoughts "you're supposed to wait until marriage before sex!". Then she had counteracting thoughts "But that was with Bright and he's a guy, I never said anything about not having sex with women before marriage, and since i'm not going to marry a women and neither of us actually took our clothes off, this doesn't really count as "Sex" anyways right?" she reasoned with herself. "Hannah you OK?" Amy asked in a concerned tone of voice, "Yeah that was really cool" Hannah replied, "I just don't know if i'm ready for either of us to take our clothes off in front of one another yet". "That's OK" Amy said reassuringly, "we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with, but if you ever do want to do this again and go further I will be there for you". Hannah felt herself overwhelmed with happiness, eternally grateful to have such an amazing friend, she couldn't help but get a little misty-eyed, hugging Amy as tight as she could, Amy gladly returned the favor, feeling closer then ever to her best friend and eager to do this again.
Hannah then had a realization, "wait what about Ephram?" Hannah asks concernedly, "what will he think about all of this"? "Oh I wouldn't worry about that" Amy said playfully, "I've seen his internet search history, he's got a major fetish for water-sports as well and I just know he's fantasized about me having sex with girls, so this'll be like a dream come true for him!". Hannah laughed at that, knowing Bright would feel exactly the same way, many times when she'd gone to his kegger parties she'd seen Bright loudly cheering whenever two drunk college girls made out with one another, as much as she found those parties uncomfortable, there was something weirdly sweet about Bright being accepting of LGBTQ folks in his own way, he'd even threatened to kick the ass of some jerk who was harassing a transgender woman this one time, it was a side of him she'd never seen before. That reminded her of the whole reason she'd came over to Amy's in the first place, "so about Bright?" Hannah asked inquisitively. "Oh crap right his fetishes!" Amy said in an embarrassed tone of voice, "Whoops, guess we got a little sidetracked!!" (Not that Amy minded one bit). "Anyways one time I saw him putting some stuff in a floorboard in his room, knowing my brother it's probably dirty magazines, so that's your best bet for finding out his fetishes short of checking his browser history". Hannah definitely didn't want to get caught doing that, so she agreed to check the floor board in Bright's old room(which had since been turned into a study for Rose to pursue her next career after Kathy had taken her baby back). Fortunately despite the room having a bunch of new stuff in it, the floorboard was still accessible, Amy went inside the closet moving some boxes out of the way and feeling for the loose floorboard, sure enough it was still there, she moved it aside and found a box inside which she lifted out.
Both Hannah and Amy nervously opened the box like they were opening the Ark of the Covenant and sure enough there was a big pile of porno mags in there, everything from the run of the mill Penthouse to lesbian porn to most surprising of all transsexual magazines, neither Amy nor Hannah ever would've figured someone as macho as Bright would've ever had a thing for "chicks with dicks" but judging by how many magazines of women with huge cocks there were, he most definitely did, Hannah and Amy both blushed starring at those mags, unable to resist flipping through them and admiring the sexy women in them. Amy had seen transsexuals a lot in Ephram's search history as well and made a mental note to hire a trans sex worker for her and Ephram sometimes in the future, Hannah also found herself getting lost in thought, looks like this was yet another fetish she could add to the growing pile. Unfortunately there weren't any magazines about women pissing themselves, so they couldn't confirm for sure if Bright as into that sort of thing or not. "Don't worry, just because it's not in here doesn't mean he's not into it" Amy reassured Hannah, "guess you will have to check his browser history after all". Hannah sighed, she was really hoping she wouldn't have to resort to that, but it looked like she had no choice, she certainly wasn't going to ask Bright's former jerk friends about it, that would've been too humiliating for words not to mention it would feel like a betrayal to him to go to his enemies asking about that sort of thing and they would no doubt taunt him about it. Hannah then realized there was someone else she could possibly get this info from, that woman he'd cheated on her with, as hurtful as that experience was, deep down she couldn't help but wonder who the mystery woman was, she'd often lied awake at night wondering what woman was so great that Bright had been temped to fuck her brains out. Hannah had always had a morbid curiosity about finding out, and now was as good of an excuse as any to do so. "Actually i've got another idea" Hannah replied, "I could always ask that woman he cheated on me with, did he tell you who he slept with?" she asked curiously.
Amy was shocked, she definitely wasn't expecting Hannah to come up with that idea "I don't know if that's such a good idea" Amy said nervously". "Cmon please tell me!" Hannah whined in her adorable tone of voice, "I just have to know who was so great that Bright would be tempted". Amy sighed in a resigned tone of voice, she knew it was inevitable that Hannah was going to find out sooner or later, so there was no use in keeping it from her any longer, "you know Ada, that blonde woman you made snide comments about when you saw Bright talking to her in the cafe that one day?" she asked. Hannah instantly had a flashback to that day, she remembered the burning jealousy she had not just over Bright talking to another woman, but to a woman that looked so stereotypical shallow and was pretty much the poster child for doing stuff like Girls Gone Wild. "That lady who owns the yarn store?" Hannah gasped, "her? that's who he cheated on me with?", "I mean the cheating was pretty bad but he could've at least picked someone higher class to do it with!" Hannah said fuming, even though she did want to get back together with Bright there was still definitely some old wounds there, but now she was no longer mad at him, now she was mad at this women who had slept with him, she then had a sudden thought-what if Bright hadn't actually wanted to sleep with her but she'd seduced? Oh god she'd never even considered that possibility before, she'd been so angry and hurt she could barely think straight. Hannah then suddenly had a feeling of regret, what if this cheating hadn't been Bright's fault after all? had she spent months being angry at him and not talking to him all for nothing? The thought made her feel sick to her stomach, though that feeling soon turned to tranquil fury, one thing was for sure, Hannah was determined to get some answers from Ada, one way or another. "I know she's a bit of a bimbo" Amy replied, "but cheating is still bad regardless of who it's with". "Yeah but I could at least understand if he slept with Stephanie or Laynie"(who had come back to Everwood to celebrate her birthday and had invited Amy and Hannah to tag alone, Hannah admired Laynie's strength in spite of what had happened to her)"those women are classy, Ada is just another shallow vapid woman with self-esteem issues who can't feel fulfilled unless she's ruining other people's relationship!" Hannah spat venomously, "You know now that I've had time to think about it, i'll bet that bitch seduced Bright, I just can't picture him making the first move on someone like that" Hannah remarked furiously. Amy was shocked to hear her best friend curse like that, Hannah was famously uncomfortable whenever anyone cussed in front of her, but Hannah looked truly pissed, even more then she was at Bright.
Hannah then had another awful realization, she remembered asking Bright to take a shower with her after he'd made her feel better about her body, they'd both seen one another naked in the shower and she could tell Bright was turned on, she'd tried not to stare at his huge dick while soaping up but it was like trying not to stare at a car crash, he'd taken a long time soaping himself down there and ended up jerking off in front of her which she'd found embarrassing, he'd shot a huge load of spunk down the drain and she could tell how sexually frustrated he was. Oh god this was all her fault! If only Hannah hadn't cruelly teased him like that he wouldn't have had sex with Ada in the first place!". Amy could tell Hannah was deep in thought and reassured her that this wasn't her fault, Hannah snapped out of it and replied acidly "yeah you're right, it's not my fault, it's that whore Ada's fault! I'm going to go over to her shop and give her a piece of my mind, after all the trouble she caused for me and Bright she owes me big time!, i'll make sure she tells me everything she knows about Bright, one way or another!". Amy was shocked, she'd never seen her best friend like this before, Hannah looked more determined then ever and Amy found it very sexy. "You want me to come with you?" Amy asked, "thanks but this is something I really have to do for myself" Hannah said determinedly. Amy compromised and said she would wait outside in the car just in case, Hannah reluctantly agreed and she drove down to the yawn shop. Fortunately today was the fathers day barbecue at the fairgrounds, so the town was mostly empty, meaning nobody would be walking into the shop and interrupting Hannah. Her plan was to act like she was trying to get a fake ID and then confront Ada, Hannah walked into the shop and saw the other woman in the flesh with her blonde hair and big breasts, she looked like a porn star. Hannah suddenly found herself feeling inadequate next to her, as much as she was pissed at Ada she had to admit she had a hot body, but she couldn't let herself get too caught up in lust right now, she had a mission to do and she couldn't let her own sexual desires distract her from it. Hannah walked up to Ada with determination and purpose, "Can I help you?" Ada asked in a bright and chirpy tone. "Yes, I heard you sell fake IDs?" Hannah asked hesitantly.
Review Dirty Little Secret


LightHouse News
Photos: LightHouse's first-ever 'Celebration of Blind Ambition' in San Francisco
12/06/2018 carolinehart
Last Thursday, the LightHouse gathered hundreds of friends, supporters and community members at the Julia Morgan Ballroom in downtown San Francisco for the LightHouse Gala: A Celebration of Blind Ambition. At the gala, which was LightHouse's largest-ever, we honored blind pioneers, role models and citizens for their audacity and ambition. It was a celebration, a fundraiser and an invitation for our community to partner and become more deeply engaged with the work of the LightHouse.
LightHouse CEO Bryan Bashin speaks at the podium.
Three gala attendees stand, smiling.
Holman Prizewinner Ojok Simon
LightHouse employee Serena Olsen clinks her knife against her wine glass.
A pair of Gala attendees smile stand, smiling with delight.
A pair of Gala, including LightHouse Board President Chris Downey, stand smiling.
A trio of Gala attendees, including Kathy Abrahamson, embrace, smiling for the camera.
A pair of Gala attendees sit, smiling.
A duo of Gala attendees stand, smiling.
A trio of Gala attendees, including LightHouse CEO Bryan Bashin, stand smiling.
Four Gala attendees stand in the ballroom.
A pair of Gala attendees stand smiling.
A gala attendee holds a young toddler in her arms, smiling.
A Gala speaker stands at the podium.
With over 300 people in attendance, it was an evening of community and camaraderie. Emcee Erik Weihenmayer, the first blind person to summit Mount Everest, set the tone for our daring evening. LightHouse student Jorge Ellington and his band started the evening right with live Latin Jazz. We honored seven blind leaders throughout the night, and capped off with presentations from our agency's Holman Prize for Blind Ambition.
We were proud to present our new LightHouse Awards: to acknowledge longtime leaders from the field of blindness, who have had a great impact on the community. This award honored trailblazers in education, technology and policy. LightHouse Newel Perry Award was presented to Cathy Skivers by Bryan Bashin. The LightHouse Dr. Isabelle Grant Award was presented to George Kerscher for his work to made electronic books accessible. Erin Lauridsen, Director of Access Technology presented the award to Dr. Kerscher. The LightHouse Chris Buckley Award honored Scott LaBarre and Maryanne Diamond for their work advocating for the Marrakesh Treaty to make books accessible to the global blind community without exception. Benentech's Jim Fruchterman presented the award.
Ceremonial medals were given to the 2017 Holman Prizewinners, who were honored for the completion of their year-long projects which furthered the cause of blindness across six continents in the fields of adventure sports, entrepreneurship and cultural exchange. Holman prizewinner Penny Melville-Brown recounted her perilous, near death car accident and subsequently meeting and marrying the love of her life. Ojok Simon spoke of teaching over 45 blind people the art of beekeeping this year, and brought honey from Uganda to share with all. Ahmet Ustunel imparted his kayaking adventures in Turkey, and the technology he crafted to aid blind kayakers navigate independently.
2017 Holman Prizewinners stand with LightHouse CEO Bryan Bashin.
LightHouse Gala emcee Erik Weihenmayer stands with a smile, speaking at the podium.
An auction bidder holds up his sign marked "110" with enthusiasm, in a crowd of cheering people.
A trio of Gala attendees stand smiling.
A pair of Gala attendees, including LightHouse Award winner Scott LaBarre stand smiling.
A group of five Gala attendees stand smiling.
A large group of Gala attendees stand smiling.
A group of six Gala attendees stand, smiling.
Penny Melville-Brown and her partner stand smiling.
A group of four gala attendees, including LightHouse Board Member Josh Miele sit smiling at a dinner table.
A large group of a dozen Gala attendees pose for a photo – one row sitting at the dinner table, with another row standing behind.
Erin Lauridsen stands beside LightHouse Award winner George Kerscher at the podium.
Julie Cabrera, an Enchanted Hills camper who grew up to be a counselor helped us raise funds to rebuild the Wing Creek Chapel and accessible nature trail at Enchanted Hills, which were destroyed in last year's Wine Country wildfires. The evening supported the life-changing programs of the LightHouse with a portion supporting to Enchanted Hills Camp for the Blind. The event raised over $180,000. Thank you to our sponsors.
EXPLORATION SPONSORS – Individual
Jennifer and Ken Bunt
Walt Disney Company Employee Matching Gift Program
AUDACITY SPONSORS – Individual
Drew Kebbel
Sharon and Richard Sacks
Herbst Foundation
Merchant's Exchange (Julia Morgan Ballroom)
Patson & Co
Swinerton
ADVENTURE SPONSORS – Individual
Jennison Asuncion
Lisa Carvalho and David Mager
Gena Harper
Jerry Kuns
Josh Miele, Liz Ruhland and Fred Ruhland
Fred and Kristine Silva
One Market Restaurant, Michael and Leslye Dellar
Google/ Laura Allen
Humanware
Maze & Associates
Mutual of America
OPPORTUNITY SPONSORS – Individuals
Barbara Lassen
Joan Dove
Chris Downey and Rosa Downey
Eric and Jacalyn Mah
Michael Nuz
Alice Wingwall and Donlyn Lyndon
Stanley Yarnell and Victor Rowley
Bauke Family Foundation
Disability Rights Advocates
Fitness SF
Rosen Bien Galvan & Grunfeld LLP
blind ambitioncelebrationCookinggalaHolman PrizehoneyLightHouse Gala
Baking Blind: How Penny Melville-Brown changed perceptions about disability by cooking across six continents
10/22/2018 Camilla Sterne 2 Commentson Baking Blind: How Penny Melville-Brown changed perceptions about disability by cooking across six continents
Belgian-born chef and entrepreneur Noam Kostucki summed up 2017 Holman Prizewinner Penny Melville-Brown like this: "She's bonkers. She's completely mad." This from a man running a restaurant in the middle of the Costa Rican jungle — but he meant it as a compliment. And for those who know Penny, it's pretty much spot on.
Penny has big ideas and the gumption to carry them out — there's no stopping her once she puts her mind to something. The woman has fortitude, military-learned logistics skills and an uncanny ability to connect with everyone she meets and put them immediately at ease.
From the onset, Penny's Holman prizewinning project looked to be the one with least risk involved (compared to tending killer bees and solo-kayaking a highly trafficked shipping channel). Her plan was to leave her home in the green, port-side town of Fareham, UK and travel to six continents over the course of one year. Along the way she stopped in Costa Rica, Malawi, Australia, China and the United States, and met with chefs, other blind people and community leaders all over the world. She traveled with her nephew Toby Melville-Brown who documented her whirlwind world tour in a video blog series, Baking Blind.
"Some people were tentative and quite cagey before I showed up," she says. "As soon as we were cooking together, they forgot I was blind. Then it was just two people sharing an experience together. Usually they had something simple in mind that they wanted to cook and I bullied them into doing something much more interesting."
The risks of cooking seemed minimal to an experienced baker like herself— a burned wrist here, a nicked finger there — and yet somehow Penny's project was the one with the most sturm und drang. Penny's tour was met with much more intrigue than she had planned— coming face-to-face with Tropical Storm Nate in Costa Rica, a visa-related marooning in China, an air-sea rescue in Australia, to name a few. But Penny took it all in stride, and embraced the uncertainties as an unavoidable and rich part of her journey.
"As I crisscrossed continents and connected with people in vastly different cultures, I became even more convinced that something like this needed to be done," she says. "There is very little media coverage of a blind person interacting with the rest of the world as an equal — an ordinary person, who is really keen on something, operating as an equal with others around the world."
Penny has a special connection with the namesake of the Holman Prize, James Holman, a 19th Century world traveler known as the first blind man to circumnavigate the globe. Both became blind while serving in the British Royal Navy (albeit nearly 200 years apart). Penny served for 22 years in the Women's Royal Naval Service and Royal Navy, reaching the rank of commander. She was also the first woman to hold the position of naval barrister. After being medically discharged from the Royal Navy in 1999, she created her business Disability Dynamics to help other people with disabilities find employment.
"The majority of disabled people acquire their disabilities during their working lives, as they're growing up or while they're working," she says. "If you've build yourself the strength of character motivation, optimism, determination, those skills will take you through life's challenges of any sort, like acquiring a disability or getting a job."
So much of Penny's work focuses not only on changing the minds of people with disabilities themselves, but changing widespread public perceptions about disability. And when asked to identify the highlights of her Baking Blind tour, it's the small human connections that Penny pinpoints — the ones that ripple out into the collective psyche to help evolve peoples' understanding of what it means to be disabled.
Her favorite moment was cooking with two 20-year-old women in China, who didn't even know how to hold a knife — and how quickly they formed a bond and began helping each other, growing more confident with each passing moment. Or wending her way through the bush and scrubland of Kiama, Australia with an Aboriginal chef as a guide to show them which plants were edible. Or even cooking deep in the jungle of Costa Rica with Chef Noam during a tropical storm and being forced to improvise due to the ironic lack of running water.
But the end of Penny's journey around the world didn't turn out quite as she had expected. During a visit to France just before Christmas to explore new cooking opportunities, Penny almost died in a serious car accident where she fractured several vertebrae in her neck and broke multiple ribs and her sternum. She spent two months in intensive care and was put into an induced coma for five weeks.
Penny says, "The breathing tubes stopped me talking so communicating with the French medical team was a challenge for all of us and even more complicated by my blindness. When you're blind and in intensive care, and trying to communicate in a foreign language, it's not easy. I had a whole vocabulary of sound effects that I used to communicate with the nurses."
It was an incredibly trying time for Penny and her loved ones, but Penny fought hard — facing her rehabilitation head-on, and recovering much faster than her doctors anticipated.
"When you've already overcome significant life challenges, you're an old hand at it," she says.
And though Penny still has some recovery to do, she's hard at work producing Baking Blind videos that she and Toby shot while traveling all over the world for the Holman Prize. She's also working on a cookbook using recipes and ideas from her world travels.
The strange lesson in all of Penny's adventures is that the most serious mishap occurred not while she was stuck in muddy, pockmarked roads during a downpour in Costa Rica, or eating unfamiliar foods in the villages in Malawi — but while she was driving in a taxi in a major European metropolis. It goes to show that risk is unavoidable, and Penny would tell you there's no use holding back from the things you want to seek out in the world.
"Life is all about taking risks," says Penny. "And we survive to tell the tale."
In little more than a month, Penny will again return to San Francisco to regale attendees at the LightHouse Gala about her accomplishments and discoveries during her year-long adventure funded by the Lighthouse's Holman Prize.
About the Holman Prize
In 2017, San Francisco LightHouse for the Blind launched the Holman Prize to support the emerging adventurousness and can-do spirit of blind and low vision people worldwide. This endeavor celebrates people who want to shape their own future instead of having it laid out for them. In early July, we announced the 2018 Holman Prizewinners — congratulations to Stacy Cervenka, Conchita Hernández and Red Szell. Ojok and his fellow 2017 prizewinners will visit San Francisco in November 2017 to speak at the LightHouse Gala.
"We are thrilled to be able to continue the Holman Prize for a second year," says LightHouse CEO Bryan Bashin. "These three new prizewinners represent a wide range of ambitions and life experience: from tackling social obstacles to huge tests of physical and mental fortitude, they reflect the diversity and capability of blind people everywhere."
Created specifically for legally blind individuals with a penchant for exploration of all types, the Holman Prize provides financial backing – up to $25,000 – for three individuals to explore the world and push their limits. Learn more at holmanprize.org.
2017 holman prize2017 Holman Prizewinnersadventurebakingblind ambitionCookingfoodHolman Prizetravel
Need Some Kitchen Confidence? Now Offering One-on-Ones with Cooking Instructor Sydney Ferrario
12/06/2017 LightHouse Staff
If you walk into the LightHouse teaching kitchen on any given day, you'll find our Cooking Instructor Sydney Ferrario cheerfully bustling around the kitchen, hoisting giant tubs of flour or dicing mounds of plump vegetables. We've seen a lot of gourmet concoctions from the LightHouse kitchen thanks to Sydney's patient guidance.
Not only is she lively, informative, and knows her way around a stand mixer, but she also has plenty of adaptive techniques for cooking and baking to share with her students. She'll show you that there's nothing to fear about the kitchen, the oven, or even chopping unwieldy apples with a very sharp knife (hint: it's all about curling the fingers away from the sharp blade).
Sydney is now offering one-on-one lessons and ongoing by appointment. If you're connected with the CA Department of Rehabilitation and looking to develop skills in the kitchen (from labeling and organization to knife, stove top and oven techniques) individual trainings in our kitchen and final lessons in your home kitchen are available. These trainings will help you shop and prep healthy meals that work with a busy schedule and independent lifestyle.
If interested, please contact your counselor immediately to get the ball rolling! All interested students can call Sydney at 415-694-7612 or email sferrario@lighthouse.org to schedule a preliminary phone appointment and lesson times. Bon Apetit!
Sydney Ferrario shows a student how to use non-visual tools to measure out baking ingredients.
Sydney Ferrario shows a student how to measure out baking soda by using touch to level out the measuring spoon.
Sydney Ferrario shows a student, Jane Fowler, how to use an egg beater.
Sydney Ferrario and student Jane Flower laugh and bake in the LightHouse Teaching Kitchen.
Sydney Ferrario shows a student, Jane Fowler, how to cut an apple.
Student, Jane Fowler, learns technique to cut an apple with her eyes closed.
Sydney Ferrario shows student, Jane Fowler, how to knead dough.
Sydney Ferrario shows student, Jane Fowler, how to use a rolling pin on dough.
Sydney Ferrario shows student, Jane Fowler, how to fold pastry dough around an apple filling.
Sydney Ferrario and student, Jane Fowler, are ready to place their apple galettes in the oven.
Sydney Ferrario shows student, Jane Fowler, how to check to see if the apple galette is done.
Sydney Ferrario and student, Jane Fowler, successfully make an apple galette.
bakingblindnessCookingcooking classesGuide Dogs for the BlindJane FlowerSydney Ferrario
Meet Penny Melville-Brown: Blind Baker and Holman Prizewinner
The LightHouse for the Blind announces Penny Melville-Brown of "Baking Blind" as one of the first three winners of the Holman Prize.
British Royal Navy veteran Penny Melville-Brown is not your average chef. First of all, she is, in fact, blind. But beyond that, Penny has a deep and unique understanding of food's ability to break down cultural barriers and to connect people – blind and sighted alike – across the globe.
Today, LightHouse for the Blind and Visually Impaired in San Francisco announces Penny as one of three winners of the 2017 Holman Prize for Blind Ambition, a brand-new award for blind adventurers of all kinds.
"While food is a mainstay across the media and popular culture, it is almost impossible to find any inclusion of visually impaired people," Penny says. With her Holman Prize project, Penny hopes to change that.
With the $25,000 Holman Prize, Penny will travel to Costa Rica, Malawi, Australia, China and the United States, all over the course of a year. Along the way, she will meet chefs, teach blind people and community leaders the techniques and panache of blind baking, and film these encounters to ensure that people change their assumptions about the capabilities of blind chefs.
Equal parts travelogue and instructional video series, Penny's video blog will teach all of us, sighted or otherwise, something new about the art of cooking.
Penny also has a special connection with the namesake of the Holman Prize, James Holman, a 19th Century world traveler known as the first blind man to circumnavigate the globe. Both became blind while serving in the British Royal Navy (albeit nearly 200 years apart). Now, like Holman, Penny will take off around the world, crossing multiple continents to teach others about the capabilities of those with disabilities.
Penny is one of three inaugural winners of the Holman Prize. Her fellow prizewinners, Ahmet Ustunel and Ojok Simon, hail from the US and Uganda respectively, and also have ambitious adventures planned over a range of geographies and subjects. Ustunel is planning a solo kayak journey from Europe to Asia, while Simon is planning to build out a blind-led social enterprise for beekeepers in Uganda.
They will all meet at the Lighthouse in San Francisco in September.
Penny began hosting and producing regular video segments this year for a program she calls "Baking Blind". She takes pride in her collaborations, which will only grow with the help of The Holman Prize. A YouTube original, she can be seen in her videos making everything from apple tarts to lamb tajines and quail eggs in soy sauce.
Read about all three Holman Prize winners in-depth.
Holman Honorees: Meet the 2017 finalists.
Meet the blind judges who picked the winners.
Support The Holman Prize
The LightHouse for the Blind and Visually Impaired, which is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization based in San Francisco, is actively seeking sponsorships and support for the 2018 Holman Prize, including donations of equipment for the winner's projects. To offer your support, contact holman@lighthouse-sf.org. Individuals may donate any amount using LightHouse's secure form. For sponsorship inquiries, email us or call +1 (415) 694-7333.
For press inquiries, email press@lighthouse-sf.org.
2017 Holman Prizewinnersbaking blindblind cookBritish Royal NavychefCookingcooking showscuisineJames Holmankitchenpenny melville-brown
New Cooking Classes at the LightHouse — from Knife Skills to Measuring and Mixing
It's 2017 and we've cooked up a whole host of new culinary classes at the LightHouse for the new year.
Learn more about each session below and see a schedule of our upcoming classes. If you have questions about class content please contact Sydney Ferrario, Instructor, at 415-694-7612 or sferrario@lighthouse-sf.org.
Orientation to the Kitchen
Designed for beginning home cooks and those new to blindness or low vision.
Session I – January 3 and 5
Session II – February 7 and 9
Session III – March 7 and 9
Each session takes place on Tuesday and Thursday of the scheduled week from 9:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m.
Designed specifically for people who have been out of the kitchen due to a change of vision and need a fresh start to feel comfortable in the kitchen and begin cooking – this class will help you get back in the kitchen with confidence! In these classes, students will learn new ways of labeling, organization, safe work strategies and so much more! Included is a brief technology component and demonstration for recipe access.
Come prepared to try new ideas and practice the following skills:
Safer work strategies
Greater awareness of tactile, auditory, olfactory and gustatory skills
Organization and labeling in the pantry and refrigerator
Develop sensory and spatial awareness
Discover and explore various tools and technologies
Effective and Efficient cleaning
What's the Scoop? Measure and Mix
Designed for beginning and intermediate home cooks and those new to blindness or low vision.
Session I – January 10 and 12
Session II – February 14 and 16
Session III – March 14 and 16
Learn and practice measuring with confidence! In the Lighthouse teaching kitchen we will explore techniques for measuring both liquids and dry ingredients in both large and small quantities. While all are welcome, this course is especially designed with the baker in mind, and we will measure those tricky things like brown sugar, flour, flavorings and oils as well as common conversions and strategies for tricky ingredients.
Avoiding spills, working in an orderly and tidy fashion
Time worn techniques with common household equipment
Explore new gadgets and technologies
Mixing, blending, beating, whisking, folding, stirring and more
On The Edge – Knife Skills
With an emphasis on safety and organizational work strategies, students learn and practice knife skills on a wide variety of fresh fruits and vegetables. Are you planning to eat healthier after the holidays? Sharpen your knife skills and practice techniques for even sizes while protecting your fingers! Tuesday we prep everything for a soup and salad and on Thursday we will throw it all together for a nourishing and healthy meal.
Holding and manipulating various knives, graters and other sharp gadgets
Hands-on guidance and practice mincing, slicing, dicing, chopping, and peeling, among others
Deciding which tool is best for the job and why
Safer work strategies, building on tactile and sensory awareness
Great cooking is not about recipes – it's about skill and technique!
There are three sessions of the same course, each with a different menu to be determined based on seasonal availability. Students may wish to enroll in any one session or all three.
The Heat Is On! Oven and Stovetop Strategies
Designed for beginning and intermediate home cooks who wish to gain a greater comfort level working with their gas or electric ovens and ranges.
Session II – February 28 and March 2
Cook on your home oven and stovetop with ease and safety. Learn and practice strategies for setting up and cooking with the oven and stovetop which includes spatial awareness skills, setting up with the proper equipment and creating new habits.
Safer work strategies and Injury prevention
Systems, patterns, portioning and spatial awareness
Heat control, thermometers, timers, testing for done
Sautéing, stirring and turning
Using assistive technology
All classes are $220.00* per session and meet in Room 1010 in 10th Floor Kitchen of the LightHouse Headquarters at 1155 Market Street. Class is 4 hours with a short break. Bring a bag lunch the first day. You will be standing, cooking and working for most of the class. Please wear comfortable, closed-toe shoes and have long hair tied back.
*Each Class Session includes two classes for four hours (9:30-1:30). The full class fee is $220 for persons 18-54. For those persons who are 55 and older living in the counties of Alameda, San Francisco and Marin (and not a consumer with the Department of Rehabilitation or VA) the class fee is waived thanks to the State of CA Older Individuals Who are Blind (OIB) grant funding. Student may be asked to bring in class materials, the instructor will notify if this is necessary.
All participants must be registered students of the Lighthouse for the Blind and Visually Impaired. To enroll as a LightHouse student, please contact Debbie Bacon at 415-694-7357 or dbacon@lighthouse-sf.org. If you have questions about class content please contact Sydney Ferrario, Instructor, at 415-694-7612 or sferrario@lighthouse-sf.org.
As a division of the Independent Living Skills Program, culinary classes provide cooking lessons for the home cook with an emphasis on blind kitchen skills, including, but not limited to, orientation, organization, knife skills, measuring, food safety, and navigating the oven and stove top safely. Also included is a recipe access component for interpreting and replacing visual cooking terminology with cues for taste, touch and smell. The goal is to provide guided practice so students can replicate skills at home.
Note about ingredients: LightHouse recipes use common cooking and baking ingredients including various fruits, vegetables, nuts, meats, spices, dairy, eggs, wheat flours, etc. If you have a food allergy, please check with the instructor before attending the class. Adjustments to recipes cannot be made during class.
Special Dietary Needs? For those with special dietary needs or allergies, please contact Sydney Ferrario at 415-694-7612 to discuss how we can help you with a customized program and recipes. Her background includes Wheat, Gluten, & Dairy-Free cooking and cooking for those with Diabetes.
BlindCookingLightHouselow vision
Know Someone With Changing Vision? Our Next Immersion Training Sessions are Coming Up
Photo: Class Picture of the September CVCL Immersion Training Session 2 Class
Fall is a time for harvest and abundance. Over the past four years, 250 students have harvested their skills and received an abundance of support, opportunities to connect and a rich introduction to skills ranging from accessing print, learning about technology to organizing their households and traveling independently.
Holli Clark of Santa Cruz County has participated in both sessions and had this to say about her experience:
"Just a note to share my big thanks for the wonderful Immersion experience! One of my big reasons for wanting to go for Immersion training was because I just didn't know what I didn't know. I figured there were better ways of doing things than I had made up over the years. I was certainly correct in that, and am delighted to be learning many new skills. This translates to being more productive, efficient, confident, independent and safer. [The] week was packed with immeasurable value. I learned so much from each trainer and really appreciated your focus on scheduling us according to individual needs…Your staff are both exceptional trainers in their fields as well as wonderful, caring people."
Photo: Cooking Instructor Sydney Ferrario and CVCL student Holli Clark stand together in the Betty Ruhland Teaching Kitchen at the LightHouse
We're offering one last CVCL session before year's end, and another in February. Details on both follow:
December Changing Vision Changing Life (CVCL) Immersion Training Session 2
This session is facilitated from the new LightHouse Building in the heart of San Francisco. The focus of this week's training is "boots hit the ground in training". Students participating in this week must have already received basic skills training in orientation and mobility, access technology or independent living and must be committed to focusing intently in all three of these skill areas in a small group and individual learning environment. (Please note: students do not need to have attended a previous CVCL session to attend CVCL 2 in San Francisco.)
This five day session is designed for students who are committed to full days of instruction, homework and practice in the evening and will take full advantage of the professional training time, mentoring and peer support and self-study that will be available.
Students will participate in a minimum of three of the following areas:
Access Technology, including:
Computer training (Mac or PC) – using the software you are currently learning
Smart Phone Training – Apple or Android
Tablet Training – Apple or Android
Orientation and Mobility Training 1:1
Introduction to Braille
Smart Cooking for Independence
Low Vision Training – Using your Tools to Your Benefit
Independent living skills
When: CVCL 2 will run from Monday, December 5th (arrival at 9:30 a.m. – training starts at 10:00 a.m.) through Friday, December 9 (leave at 11:00 a.m.)
Where: The session will be held in our headquarters building at 1155 Market St., 10th Floor in San Francisco. Participants will stay overnight throughout the week in our Student Residences.
Cost: There is a $1,300 fee for this training but you may qualify for partial or full scholarship if you are not already working with the Department of Rehabilitation or the Veterans Administration. It is highly recommended that all students have a solution for taking notes, such as the Victor Reader Stream (training will be provided in how to use this recording device)
February Changing Vision Changing Life Immersion Training Session 1
This session is held at Enchanted Hills Retreat in Napa and is specifically geared for students new to blindness and low vision. For five days, up to 14 adult students have the opportunity to develop basic skills in a range of areas – access technology; orientation and mobility; organization and labeling; magnification and lighting; cooking; braille and community, state and national resources.
The week is full, active, emotional and supportive and students are given the opportunity to meet others, to harvest their own skills and determine the direction of the quality of their lives. There are three scholarship openings for persons 55 and better living in Humboldt, Del Norte, San Francisco, Marin or Alameda County who are not consumers of the Department of Rehabilitation or the VA. For those who are consumers of the Department of Rehabilitation, we encourage you to discuss this opportunity with your counselor.
When: CVCL I will run from February 6th – 10th.
Where: The session will be held in at Enchanted Hills Retreat in Napa. Participants will stay overnight throughout the week in our lakeside lodgings. Transportation is available from San Francisco, Berkeley and Marin County.
Cost: There is a $1,300 fee for this training but you may qualify for partial or full scholarship if you are not already working with the Department of Rehabilitation or the Veterans Administration.
For More Information, to Register for Session 1 or Session 2, or if you have questions, please contact Debbie Bacon at dbacon@lighthouse-sf.org or 415-694-7357 in San Francisco; Jeff Carlson at jcarlson@lighthouse-sf.org or 415-258-8496 in Marin County or Janet Pomerantz at jpomerantz@lighthouse-sf.org or 707-268-5646 in Humboldt County.
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Pie for the Season Workshop (two-day course)
Photo: Ingredients for apple pie are assembled on a counter.
Tired of those warehouse pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving? Make it yourself! Learn to make a holiday pie from scratch, yes, including the crust! Designed for the intermediate home cook, students will practice measuring skills, and learn the basics of pastry dough, including proper pastry mixing techniques, rolling and fitting to a pie dish.
When: Wednesday, November 16 and Thursday, November 17, 9:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. (bring a bag lunch)
Where: the LightHouse Building, 1155 Market St., 10th floor, San Francisco, 94103
Fee: $60 includes all food supplies
Space is limited to 5 students per class.
Prior baking experience is not required for this class, however, good basic cooking skills and comfort in the kitchen are required. Students must be able to participate on both days as dough will be made the first day and filling and baking will be done the second day.
Recipes planned are an Apple Double Crust and a Sweet Potato Pie, depending on ingredient availability. Please bring your own 9-inch pie tins or glass pie baking dishes so that you can bring your pies home.
If you are a current student at the LightHouse, register for this class with Sydney Ferrario at sferrario@lighthouse-sf.org. If you are new to the LightHouse, please contact Debbie Bacon at 415-694-7357 or dbacon@lighthouse-sf.org. Please let us know at the time of registration if you have special dietary needs or food allergies so that we may accommodate recipes as much as possible.
accessibilityBlindchanging visionCookingHoliday CookingSports and Recreation
BEST Classes for Youth on Saturday, October 15, 10:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
Photo: Jamey Gump teaches during last year's Youth Cooking Class.
Who: Youth who are blind or have low vision, ages 8 to 18
When: From 10:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. on the third Saturday of the month (upcoming class dates are October 15, November 19 and December 17)
Where: The LightHouse Building, 1155 Market St., 10th Floor, 94103
Waiver: Each participant must submit a LightHouse Youth Program waiver form if they have not done so for a previous outing or event.
Cost: FREE for low vision and blind youth
Classes will be limited to 12 participants and all participants must RSVP.
For more information or to RSVP, please contact Jamey Gump, Youth Services Coordinator, at (415) 694-7372, or by email at jgump@lighthouse-sf.org.
Blind Youth to Battle it Out During Iron Chef of the LightHouse Cooking Class, 10:00 a.m. to 12:45 p.m.
Learn how to cook while having fun with a series of Iron Chef-type competitions.
More about Iron Chef at the LightHouse.
LightHouse BEST Challenge, 1:00 to 3:00 p.m.
In the BEST Challenge, students participate in a two-hour course of challenges meant to encourage team-building, introduce them to new techniques and reinforce those they use daily. The course will incorporate a variety of independent living skills, from adaptive technology to Orientation & Mobility.
Tactile Painting, 3:00 to 4:30 p.m.
This session will have our BEST students expressing themselves through art. Students will have a spooky good time creating Halloween themed tactile paintings, under the guidance of Enchanted Hills Art Area Leader Julie Cabrera.
Since our class is two weeks before Halloween students will not be carving pumpkins, however they are welcome to bring one from home to decorate with the tactile materials provided.
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Autumn Kitchen Basics Class
Left to right: Janeen Rockwell-Owens, Gail McGaster, Victoria Hahn, Instructor Sydney Ferrario, Holli Clark work on two acorn squash soups.
Sweater-season is approaching, and an appetite for heartier meals beckons us inside and to the kitchen. Using a variety of tasty and interesting recipes for soups, one-pot meals, sauces, entrees and desserts, in this class, beginning October 11, you'll learn cooking strategies with an emphasis on non-visual (tactile, auditory, olfactory and gustatory) techniques and create healthy, cost-effective and delicious meals.
Who: This course is designed for the beginner and intermediate level home cook.
When: October 11 through November 3. These eight class sessions occur every Tuesday and Thursday from 9:30 a.m. to 2:00 p.m.
Cost: The class fee is $600.00. Those persons who are 55 and older, not a consumer of the Department of Rehabilitation and living in the counties of San Francisco, Marin or Alameda counties may be eligible for scholarship.
There is a materials fee of $50 for all students.
In this class we'll use a variety of tasty and interesting recipes for fall soups, one-pot meals, sauces, entrees and desserts. Students will have the chance to learn, develop and practice kitchen skills such as:
Knife skills, safety strategies and professional level techniques
Measuring wet/dry ingredients confidently and accurately
Organization and labeling ideas for your kitchen, including setting up your workspace and cleaning strategies/techniques
Navigating oven and stovetops and testing for done-ness
Easy ingredient swaps for dairy/wheat-free diets, and how to boost nutrition
There will also be a technology overlap where students will practice accessing recipes via smartphone, Victor Reader Stream, or CCTV.
If you are a current student at the LightHouse, contact Sydney Ferrario to register for this class, at sferrario@lighthouse-sf.org.
If you are new to the LightHouse, please contact Debbie Bacon at 415-694-7357 or dbacon@lighthouse-sf.org. Please let us know at the time of registration if you have special dietary needs or food allergies so that we may accommodate recipes as much as possible.
accessibilityBlindchanging visionCookingEducationFood PrepKitchen skills
First Weeklong Immersion Class Pioneers Intensive Blindness Introduction in our New Building
In June we launched the fourth year of the Changing Vision Changing Life (CVCL) Immersion Training program at our new Headquarters offices at 1155 Market Street in San Francisco.
Gaining an understanding of what is available to you, getting hands-on with new skills and developing renewed confidence with changing vision is the overall theme of the week. While the experience is different for everyone, the act of coming together with other adult students and teachers who are blind or have low vision, to learn or relearn skills and get back into the stream of life, is a pivotal part of the week-long experience.
Join us! We have several Changing Vision Changing Life (CVCL) Immersion Training scheduled this summer at our new Headquarters offices at 1155 Market Street in San Francisco.
Our new Student Residences can accommodate 2 to 3 students per room. Each Student Residence offers wireless internet connections, recharging stations and a personal bureau. Students will be provided with a continental breakfast, lunch and dinner. The lodging is akin to a modern Bed and Breakfast – private men's and women's facilities are a short walk down the hall from each room. Student lodging is secure and comfortable both for learning and for connecting with others when there is a break from training.
Where: LightHouse for the Blind, 1155 Market St., 10th Floor, San Francisco, California 94103
Session Dates:
July Session: July 10th to 15th (note: all training in Spanish) (Deadline for sign-up is July 1st.)
August Session: August 16th to 22nd (training starts at our Napa site and finishes in San Francisco) (Deadline for sign-up is August 5th.)
September Session: September 18th to 23rd (Deadline for sign-up is August 9th.)
Student Jorge Ellington arranges his legs into a pretzel-like formation during morning yoga in our new fitness studio during the Changing Vision Changing Life Immersion.
Over 160 active adults from all parts of Northern California have participated in the LightHouse immersion training programs at the Enchanted Hills Retreat in Napa. Providing a second venue to facilitate Changing Vision Changing Life Immersion brings to our students the urban feel of training as well as the additional access a city has to offer, such as visiting the library for the blind; attending an audio described movie at a local movie theater or participating in an accessible art tour at one of the many museums in San Francisco.
In our new urban environment you and your peers will be immersed in building a foundation of independent living skills, access technology skills, orientation and mobility and peer support to get you started on your journey of living your life the way you want in maintaining your independence. All of this along with the energy and vibrancy of one of the most beautiful cities in the world surrounding you.
The CVCL curriculum, presented in four or five sessions per day, includes: ways to read printed materials; understanding how lighting, contrast and magnification can help you every day; techniques for organizing and labeling in your home or office; best methods for taking notes; basic cooking skills; traveling and moving safely and confidently in your home and in the community and understanding how accessible computers and other high and low tech equipment can enhance your life.
You can't learn everything about blindness or low vision in a single week. But you'll emerge hungry for more, understanding why you'll need to put in the effort required to excel in many nonvisual aspects of life. And you'll have a whole lot of fun and friendship along the way.
Evening discussions focus inwards, from conversations about holding yourself accountable on your journey, to self-advocacy to questions about how friends, family and partners can understand/support you and your path. Sometimes the process is planned, other times it becomes very organic. Each person and every group of students is different and we individualize much of the experience depending on your own aspirations.
Transportation access to San Francisco from Humboldt County will be provided for North Coast students and for those who reside in the bay area, 1155 Market sits right above the Civic Center BART and is only a short cab ride or bus from the Cal Train Station and the temporary Trans Bay Terminal.
Blind or low vision students who are interested should have a genuine interest in learning the skills for moving forward; enjoy learning with a group of peers and are able to participate full day (from 9:00 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. every day) of active learning and physical participation (urban mobility and public transit in San Francisco).
Note, there is no cost to attend if you are 55 or older and living in San Francisco, Alameda, Marin, Humboldt or Del Norte counties. Limited scholarships are available for persons under 55 and not eligible for Department of Rehabilitation Services.
The Changing Vision Changing Life Immersion Training is open to adults who are ready for a jump start or a recharge as their vision has changed. Be among the very first classes in our new building. Interested? Contact LightHouse staff in San Francisco, San Rafael or Eureka:
In San Francisco: Debbie Bacon, Rehabilitation Counselor, 415-694-7357 or dbacon@lighthouse-sf.org.
In San Rafael: Jeff Carlson, Social Worker, 415-258-8496 or jcarlson@lighthouse-sf.org.
In Eureka: Janet Pomerantz, Social Worker, 707-268-5646 or jpomerantz@lighthouse-sf.org.
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Why are graduate students depressed?
A big study made the news recently arguing that graduate students in academic fields suffer from depression at a rate six times the general population. I am not impressed by this study, which is based on surveys that people volunteer to take online, but it is only the latest in a long line of studies with the same general conclusion. Why?
Tyler Cowen suggests possible causes:
1. The ordeal of studying and possibly finishing is extreme, and extreme ordeals depress people. . . .
2. The task of studying and possibly finishing is correlated with a kind of extreme lassitude, and that in turn is correlated with depression.
3. Graduate students become depressed as they realize they have chosen poor life paths.
5. Graduate students are undergoing a transformation of their personalities, and being turned into intellectual elites, but this process is traumatic in several regards, thus leading to frequent depression. The chance of depression is part of the price of admission to a select club.
I find number 5 interesting.
But I think the main cause is in the kind of person who elects for graduate study. People who opt to spend several years of their lives in advanced study of arcane matters are not normal. Their abnormality makes them more interested in theoretical puzzles than most people, and also more prone to depression.
It may also be that a sense of being stuck and not getting on with life as one ought weighs on people; I loved graduate school at first but after three or four years I was ready for it to be over, and yet still it went on.
Other thoughts?
Labels: education, psychology
Perhaps their chosen path consumes so much of their time and energy that their interests are too limited, neither robust nor sufficiently varied, to withstand letdowns in the one thing that takes up so much of their time.
I think elites would like to think it's #5.
But I wonder about studies that try to determine a single cause. Between genetics, epigenetics, and environment there is great variability in our species. I often wonder if this is why a diet that works for some people is a disaster for others.
I think your argument about the kind of people who choose graduate school is right on the money.
I would add that many grad students are in the process of discovering that it's not just about being smart, verbal, and interested. Those are all there. But grad school is also, for better or worse, about embarking on an extremely demanding professional career. You have to be serious, directed, and driven, and the prospect of sustaining those qualities for decades into the future has to appear very natural to you. That's just reality. But for many, it's also a fundamental and not very comfortable change in the nature and meaning of going to school.
Cowen's fifth point is obviously invidious and faux-populist. "Of course the process of becoming a Nazgul is difficult. You wanted it, now you got it, so deal with it, asshole."
I was writing mine while Shadow was posting. I'm adding this because it's interesting to discover that Shadow and I took #5 in exactly opposite ways, Shadow seeing it as reflective of elite self-regard, me seeing it as indicating a would-be outsider's hostility. Now I've looked up Tyler Cowen and discovered that he's an economics professor. Perhaps Shadow is closer to Cowen's intent than I am. Anyway, one has heard his other points from other commentators, many times--but that fifth one does stick out.
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