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30,792,701 | BIG BULLY | I'm sick of being bullied and belittled by my wife | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30792701/sick-being-bullied-belittled-by-wife/ | MY dad was a bully and drove me to alcoholism. Now my wife is bullying me. I’ve not drunk a drop of alcohol since I got treated 20 years ago and I’m not going down that road again. Whatever I do now, I get on my wife’s nerves. If I ask her which bin goes out, she gets angry. She belittles me in front of friends too. We... | Your relationship sounds abusive. Find a quiet moment to tell her that you can’t live like this. The shouting or not speaking is damaging for the children and they may choose similar partners as they grow up as they’ll relate this to ‘normal’ family life. Explain that from now on, she must treat you as she wishes to be... |
30,764,398 | NOT APPY | Online dating is a mystery to me and no matter what l do I can't get any matches | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30764398/want-meet-someone-settle-down-no-matches/ | I’VE tried so many dating apps but my profile always says the same - no matches. I’m so fed-up. I’m a man of 30 and all of my mates are settling down or their partners are having babies. I’ve been invited to four weddings this year yet I’m unlucky in love myself. I have had one long-term relationship with a girl at uni... | Online dating is very much focused on appearances, so get a second opinion on your profile from someone who will give you helpful feedback. Is your picture inviting, do you look approachable? Are you clear about what you are looking for? Focusing on mutual interests is a great way to get the conversation going. Develop... |
30,730,867 | SO HOPELESS | I'm 25 but my father won't allow me any freedom... I feel so stuck | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30730867/father-wont-allow-freedom/ | MY father treats me worse than an animal. I’m a 25-year-old woman, but I’m not allowed any freedom. He is an anti-vaxxer and won’t allow me any medical tests, or healthcare when I am ill. Since leaving school, I haven’t had any friends as he won’t allow them to visit. I can’t go out alone, or use a phone. Asking him fo... | Family can be the perpetrators of domestic abuse and your dad’s treatment is very concerning. Contact Women’s Aid (womensaid.org), who can advise you how to get away safely. There are government grants that support domestic abuse survivors who flee and set up a new future. |
30,764,405 | SO LOW | My in-laws won't let me move on from my biggest regret | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30764405/in-laws-are-suicidal-thoughts-something-years-ago/ | MY vile in-laws are driving me to think about suicide because of something I did years ago. They won't let me forget it. I’ve been married 23 years. I'm 46 and my husband is 44. We married because I was pregnant but we were too young really. We had such a rocky start and when the baby came along, things got worse. My h... | Cheating wasn’t right but your husband gave you a second chance, which was his choice. His parents don’t get a vote, nor should they behave abusively towards you. It would have been good for your husband to stop their comments but if they’ve always been abusive, it may have taken him right back to his childhood where h... |
30,730,729 | DEAR DEIDRE | My husband keeps throwing my affair with 19-year-old student back in my face | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30730729/husband-affair-student/ | EVERY time we argue, my husband brings up my affair with a 19-year-old student. It’s the biggest mistake of my life, and I lost my job over it. But he’s no saint either — he had sex with another woman — and it’s not fair for him to keep throwing this back in my face. I’m 35 and he’s 39. We’ve been married for ten years... | You paid a big price for your mistake and feel you were punished enough. But your husband continues to berate you, years later, revealing he hasn’t got over it. Perhaps he felt humiliated by the public nature of your betrayal. Instead of giving him ultimatums, suggest that change, rather than splitting, is what you rea... |
30,792,705 | AT ODDS | A handyman would solve all of my relationship problems | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30792705/handyman-solve-all-relationship-problems/ | MY life would be so much easier if we could afford to take on a handyman. I used to do all the DIY, the decorating and the repairs but these days, I’m not up to it. My wife goes on at me all the time about fixing the garage door or lopping the trees around the garden. It causes a lot of tension between us. We are both ... | Find a moment to explain that her demands are spoiling your relationship. You don’t feel as fit as you once were and you can’t afford to employ people to help. Your options are selling up and finding a smaller, easier to maintain home. There are other benefits. If there’s a holiday you’ve always wanted to go on, having... |
30,764,406 | DEAR DEIDRE | I regularly have sex at massage parlours but I'm worried it will bankrupt me | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30764406/worried-massage-parlour-habit-going-bankrupt-me/ | DROPPING into massage parlours is part of my regular routine, but I’m panicking my need for sex is going to bankrupt me - it’s costing a fortune. I’m a married man of 51 and my wife is 54. We’ve been together for 22 years and I love her to bits but her multiple sclerosis is having a big impact on her health and she say... | I’m not sure what it is about having sex with another woman that has convinced you that you’re not cheating. To be crystal clear you are betraying your wife. There are other ways of being intimate without cheating so do the right thing. Vow to stop this habit and focus on your wife. Bring things back under your control... |
30,731,051 | WORK WOES | I want to leave my job in sales because I’m miserable but feel like I can't | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30731051/leave-job-sales-stressed-out/ | AFTER nearly two decades working in sales, I’m stressed out and miserable. However, I can’t leave because my wife loves the good salary I bring home. And besides, at my age, who is going to want me – I can’t do anything except for sales. I’m 46 and my wife is 47. We have two teenage daughters and I definitely can’t do ... | Have you talked to your wife? She may enjoy the money but given a choice, would prioritise your happiness. You sound depressed and when you get so low it is hard to see a way out of a challenging situation. Talk to your doctor so they can help you get back on a more even keel. Sales people have transferable skills so t... |
30,735,953 | DEAR DEIDRE | My husband is constantly sexting other women behind my back - it's humiliating | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30735953/husband-sexting-other-women/ | THE only way to stop my husband sexting other women is to treat him like a child. So far I have insisted he delete his social media accounts, hand over his phone whenever I ask and stop going out without me. It’s ridiculous that I can’t trust him but he’s proven to me time and time again that he has a problem and as so... | You have neither agreed to, nor sanctioned your husband’s sexting, so his repeated conversations are absolutely a form of adultery. I understand why you have stepped into the parent role in an attempt to curb his behaviour. But this isn’t resolving the root issue and until that happens, he will keep finding a way to ch... |
30,731,237 | SEX STRESS | I love my wife but I've become resentful after a decade without sex | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30731237/wife-resentful-no-sex/ | A DECADE without sex has turned me into a depressed, angry and resentful person. My wife stopped wanting penetrative sex when she went through the menopause. I’m so miserable and know that if we could just make love, all my problems would go away. I’m 58 and she’s 57. We’ve been married for 20 years. Our sex life was g... | When one partner wants sex and the other doesn’t, it can torpedo even the most loving of relationships. Many menopausal women do experience a loss of libido and, for some, the loss of oestrogen can make sex painful. My support packs, Love And The Mature Woman and Painful Sex, will tell you more. HRT and topical treatme... |
30,713,277 | PICTURE THIS | My husband claims he's impotent but is sending sexual photos to other women | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30713277/husband-impotent-sending-sexual-photos-other-women/ | MY husband claims to be impotent but he’s been sending pictures of his erect penis to women on social media. We haven’t had sex for 10 years, and I’m devastated. I’m 57 and my husband is 60. We’ve been married for 23 years. We both have health issues, which leave me in constant pain and mean he isn’t able to perform in... | When one partner assumes a caring responsibility for the other, it often has a detrimental impact on their intimate relationship. But if your husband was unhappy or felt sexually frustrated, he should have spoken to you about it rather than turning to another woman and lying. You can’t help being in pain and shouldn’t ... |
30,713,281 | DEAR DEIDRE | The woman I love has scammed me out of money but I don't want to leave her | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30713281/woman-love-scammed-money-dont-want-leave/ | I THINK the woman I’m in love with has scammed me out of money, but I still can’t break things off with her. Now I’m both heartbroken and in lots of debt. I’m 34 and have been in a long-distance relationship with a girl, 28, for two years. We’ve never met but speak every night for hours. I’ve never felt so strongly abo... | You’re in love with the woman you think she is, not the real person. Someone who loves you wouldn’t keep taking money from you or avoid meeting up. You sound like a lovely guy and deserve better. Hard as it will be, you need to break up with her and end all contact. My support packs on Love Online and Addictive Love mi... |
30,681,327 | DEAR DEIDRE | I'm in the dog house for calling out her sister's name in bed | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30681327/dog-house-calling-her-sisters-name-in-bed/ | I CAN'T stop mumbling my sister-in-law’s name in my sleep and it’s causing me no end of aggro. Years before meeting my wife, I did have a fling with her sister. Amazingly this hasn’t caused any issues between the three of us - until now. Now my wife doesn’t trust me and it’s starting to impact our relationship. It’s ir... | It’s understandable that this is causing issues in your relationship. It can’t be easy for your wife to constantly hear you say her sister’s name in your sleep. However, it’s important you both remind yourselves that dreams aren’t reality and they only become meaningful if you choose to take them more seriously. It cou... |
30,681,318 | SIBLING STRESS | I'm at the end of my tether with my reckless older sister's behaviour | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30681318/end-of-tether-reckless-older-sisters-behaviour/ | AFTER years and years of reckless behaviour, I’m at the end of my tether with my older sister. Whether she’s fleecing money off of my parents or partying the night away while her kids are at home, everything she does is chaotic. I’m 34, my sister is 38, and ever since we were teenagers she’s always been a bit of a loos... | As hard as it may be, you and your parents need to start setting strong boundaries. Talk to your parents about how the hand outs aren’t helping your sister. By funding her frivolous lifestyle they are in fact enabling her poor habits. It may be worth finding a moment when you are both calm to try to have another go at ... |
30,713,280 | INSECURITY ISSUES | I have no trust in my girlfriend since I found out she cheated | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30713280/no-trust-in-girlfriend-since-she-cheated/ | IT'S been impossible to trust my girlfriend since I found out she’d cheated. She lied to my face about it and now I can’t believe anything she says. It’s turning me into an angry, insecure person, who I don’t recognise. I’m 19 and she’s 18. We’ve been together for a year, since we started university. When we got togeth... | Finding out someone you care about has lied is hard to get over. Trust takes time to rebuild. You feel vulnerable but you need to give your girlfriend a chance to prove herself. Talking about this to someone impartial, like a counsellor, could help My support packs on Jealousy and Cheating, Can You Get Over It?, will b... |
30,681,311 | NO FAITH | I've lost all trust in my wife since she got blackout drunk at a birthday party | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30681311/lost-trust-wife-blackout-drunk-birthday-party/ | I’VE lost all trust in my wife since she got blackout drunk at a friend’s birthday party. She keeps insisting that nothing happened, but how can she know for sure if she barely remembers it? I’m 43, she’s 40 and we’ve been married for ten years. Last week I was away on a business trip when she attended an old work frie... | We all get drunk and do silly things sometimes, but if she’s never shown any interest in cheating and insists nothing happened, you have no reason not to believe her. The bigger issue here is her safety, rather than fidelity. If you really care about her, think about how vulnerable she would have been. Through some cle... |
30,656,372 | DEAR DEIDRE | My wife is still punishing me for an affair I had two decades ago | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30656372/wife-still-punishing-for-affair-two-decades-ago/ | OVER two decades ago, I had an affair, and my wife is punishing me still for it by withholding sex. We’ve been sexually incompatible for decades, but we’ve finally reached sexual stalemate. I’m 57 and she’s 54. We have two grown up children. My sex drive has always been much higher than hers and, early in our relations... | Years of unresolved resentments and differences have sadly driven a wedge between you and your wife, wrecking your sex life. Your distress is totally understandable. Sexual intimacy is an important part of a marriage. But your idea to try to find comfort elsewhere as a solution is unwise. It will compound your problems... |
30,656,371 | HEARTBREAK | My partner broke up with me by text two days after I threw him a surprise party | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30656371/partner-broke-up-by-text-after-surprise-party/ | TWO days after I arranged a surprise 50th birthday for my partner, he suddenly and cruelly ended our relationship by text. I’m reeling. He refuses to give me an explanation, and not even his friends understand why he’s dumped me. I’m 42 and he’s 50. We’re both previously divorced and met online, four years ago. As far ... | Ending a relationship by text and then ghosting your ex is a cowardly and selfish way to behave. He’s denying you closure, and it’s not surprising that you feel shocked, confused and bereft. It’s possible his milestone birthday made him reassess his life, or that something else has happened. Maybe there were signs you ... |
30,656,369 | MONEY MARE | My mum’s obsession with Jamie Oliver got her scammed out of thousands of pounds | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30656369/mums-obsession-jamie-oliver-scammed-thousands/ | MY mum’s obsession with Jamie Oliver led to her being scammed out of thousands of pounds by a man posing as the famous TV chef. She’s convinced herself she’s online dating the real celebrity, and I’m terrified she’s being conned out of even more money. I’m 46 and she’s 69. What started as a harmless crush has taken ove... | Your mother sounds naive, lonely and vulnerable, which sadly makes her a prime target for scammers. Your concerns are valid. For more information about romance scams, see Action Fraud (actionfraud.police.uk). Try talking to her again, explaining you want her to be happy but are worried. Perhaps suggest you could talk t... |
30,731,482 | NOT INTERESTED | I don’t see why I should have to play happy families with girlfriend's kids | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30731482/dont-like-girlfriends-kids/ | WHILE I love my girlfriend, I don’t like her kids much and I don’t see why I should have to play happy families. My girlfriend claims I don’t make any effort with them, so I can’t be invested in our relationship. But I have a child of my own and don’t need or want more. I’m 36 and she’s 40. She has two children, aged 1... | Your girlfriend and her kids come as a package, at least until they’re old enough to leave home. It’s not realistic to expect her to go on holiday without them. Rather than telling her how to discipline her son, which she probably sees as a criticism, ask her if she’s happy about his behaviour and tell her you hate to ... |
30,713,276 | SOFT SPOT | I keep losing my erection during sex and it's making me miserable | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30713276/keep-losing-erection-sex-making-me-miserable/ | LATELY, I keep losing my erection during sex and it’s making me - and my partner - miserable. I’m wondering if using Cialis will help me stay hard. I’m 42 and my partner is 39. We’ve been together for five years. Everything worked perfectly until last year, when I started going soft midway through our lovemaking. The f... | Having erection problems is distressing but very common in men as they age. Although you can now buy Cialis - which works by increasing blood flow to the penis - over the counter, it’s not a good idea to self-prescribe, as there may be an underlying - and treatable - medical cause. So it’s important you get checked out... |
30,624,374 | DEAR DEIDRE | I've fallen out of love with my fiance and am having affair with my best friend | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30624374/affair-best-friend-engaged/ | I AM engaged and my best friend is set to welcome a new baby. We should be happy with our lots but we are having an intense affair. My fiance is lovely. We live together and I love him but I have fallen out of love with him. I should end our relationship but doing so would hurt him and our two children so much. I am 3... | An upbringing like yours was almost bound to leave you with an urge to self-sabotage. In relationships, self-sabotage is when you’re actively trying to ruin things with your partner, whether consciously or subconsciously. On some level you feel you don’t deserve happiness or love, even though you want them. You need to... |
30,624,304 | SPOILING THINGS | I'm in new relationship but I can’t climax during sex - I feel so guilty | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30624304/cant-climax-new-girlfriend/ | DESPITE being in a wonderful new relationship, no matter what I do, I can’t climax during sex. The only time I can ever reach orgasm is when I pleasure myself. I’m a 53-year-old divorced man. I had previously been married for 20 years. I was single for a while after my divorce, then I met my new partner, who is 45, a y... | There could be a number of reasons for this. Some men do lose their ability to climax as they get older. Or it could be the anxiety of sleeping with your girlfriend after a few years of being single and you want this relationship to work. Sex starts in your head, so the more you worry about this, the more likely it is ... |
30,624,480 | WANT HER BACK | How can I win my wife back after finding out she’s moved on with married man? | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30624480/win-my-wife-back-married-man/ | AFTER a few months apart, I realised I wanted my wife back, only to discover she has already moved on with a married man at work. I’m gutted. I am 39 and she is 34. We have been married for four years but over the last few months it felt like we were growing apart. Having decided I needed space, I moved out but always ... | It does sound as though this other man has turned your wife’s head but there is a strong chance she will regret all this before the year is out. He’s married with a young family and it is unlikely he will leave them for her. Tell your wife you still love her but it’s unrealistic to think you will wait for ever for her ... |
30,596,553 | DEAR DEIDRE | My jealous ex won’t stop until she splits me and my younger girlfriend up | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30596553/jealous-ex-sex-new-girlfriend/ | MY jealous ex won’t stop until she splits me and my younger girlfriend up. So far she has sent photos of both of us having sex, told her that I’d even been in contact professing my love for her and even warned her that I’d never be faithful. I don’t think she wants me back, this is simply about jealousy. She can’t bear... | You did well to get away from your ex’s nasty behaviour once, and you can do it again. The fact she seems hellbent on destroying your relationship shows just how insecure and troubled she is. Sending sexual images of you without consent is classed as Revenge Porn and is a criminal offence. For support please contact th... |
30,736,178 | SLEEPING ALONE | My boyfriend is hurt because I prefer sleeping on sofa as it's too hot | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30736178/boyfriend-hurt-sleeping-sofa/ | MY boyfriend is getting annoyed with me because I sleep on the sofa most nights. I don’t do it because I don’t love him, it’s because I get way too hot at night. I’m also very fidgety. I don’t want to disturb him because he gets up very early for work and needs quality sleep. I’m 37 and my boyfriend’s 38. We’ve been li... | Sleeping on the sofa is not much fun for you either. Your email has made me wonder if you might have restless leg syndrome which can also affect your arms, torso and head. Having a fan in the bedroom or sleeping next to an open window can help. Bamboo or linen sheets are highly breathable too. And sleeping on your side... |
30,596,619 | I'M CLUELESS | I'm a single dad to teens & they are starting to be interested in opposite sex | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30596619/dingle-dad-talk-sex-teen-kids/ | MY kids are starting to be interested in the opposite sex and I’m ill-equipped to deal with it all. I’m a single dad of 38, to a 13-year-old girl and a 15-year-old boy. Their mum left us all when the children were five and seven, to go back to her home in South America. There is little communication with her. My son ha... | No matter how awkward, you have to discuss this. It’s important to set some ground rules. If you’d prefer them to be in their bedrooms with the door open, then tell them so. Reassure them it’s healthy to start dating, but clarify they cannot have a sexual relationship under 16. My support pack called Under Age Sex expl... |
30,736,226 | GONE COLD | Just when I sorted my erection problems my wife's libido is now low | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30736226/wife-libido-low-erection-problems/ | AFTER a change in medication I feel like a man in my 20s again. In recent years I’ve suffered with erection problems due to diabetes but recently have been put on new tablets. They have given me a new lease of life and I no longer have to rely on Viagra. I thought my wife would be pleased because I can now be more spon... | It isn’t unusual for sex to become uncomfortable for women during the perimenopause and menopause. Vaginal dryness can often make penetration uncomfortable and painful so it’s no surprise that your wife’s libido has been impacted. However, many couples do have fulfilling and regular sex during this time. Talk to your w... |
30,591,819 | DEAR DEIDRE | I know my husband is cheating on me again after seeing blood in his urine | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30591819/husband-cheating-blood-sti/ | MY husband and I had two affairs each, and made a pact to sort out our differences – but now a nasty surprise has given his game away and I know he is cheating again. I’m 45, he’s 47, we have two teenage sons and have always been fiery. Before we got married I discovered he was two-timing me. Instead of confronting him... | Until you break this cycle of turning to others when your relationship is on the down, you will remain stuck. Communication is key and that doesn’t only mean talking openly to one another, it also requires listening. Start by asking your husband how he is. Has he stopped talking because you’re not listening, and vice v... |
30,591,905 | FUTURE FEARS | How can I guarantee daughter won't sell my house if I die before my partner? | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30591905/daughter-sell-house-partner/ | I WANT to make sure my partner can carry on living in my house if I die before her. But I worry that if I go first, my eldest daughter will want my partner to move out so she can sell up. My partner is not my daughter’s mother, who I divorced her 20 years ago. I am 71 and my partner is 73. We have been together for 15 ... | She could have minimal rights to the home, should you die. There is no law that automatically benefits your partner unless you have the right type of will, which means you can pass your property to children but still ensure your partner has a roof over his head for the rest of their life. It is always best to seek lega... |
30,596,662 | BABY ULTIMATUM | I’m expecting baby number 6 but my partner is insisting I have a termination | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30596662/baby-ultimatum-pregnant-partner/ | HAPPINESS is being at home with my family and now I’m expecting baby number six but my partner is insisting I have a termination. We have been together for 20 years and my oldest child is 13 and my youngest, two. This sixth baby was unplanned but I was happy. I love babies. I planned a lovely meal with my partner when ... | I’m sorry you’re in this situation and having to make this painful decision but he mustn’t put the blame solely on you. The right decision for your family is not one that anybody else can make except for you and your partner. There’s no compromise to be had, except a lot of talking. You can’t wait too long but you can ... |
30,681,335 | WANDERING EYE | Every time we go on holiday my husband ogles other women on the beach | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30681335/holiday-husband-ogles-other-women-beach/ | EVERY time we go on holiday together, my husband can’t help himself from ogling other women in front of me on the beach. I’ve tried my hardest to ignore it but seeing the way he looks at their bodies has done a number on my self-esteem. I am 52, he’s 57 and we’ve been together for 22 years. We’ve always had a happy mar... | Your husband's behaviour is disrespectful and hurtful, so it’s no wonder that it’s starting to affect your confidence and self-esteem. You need to talk to him and tell him how this is making you feel. While it’s no excuse, it’s likely the disconnect between you contributing to his behaviour. It would be beneficial for ... |
30,713,269 | THANK YOU | When my husband was pressuring me to have another baby, you helped me walk away | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30713269/husband-pressuring-have-baby-helped-walk-away/ | WHEN my husband put me under pressure to have sex, because he wanted another baby, I felt it might be time to walk away from our marriage. I’d had a miscarriage, which he said was my fault because I didn’t want another child. I’m 34 and he’s 35. We have two young children aged 18 months and three. I wrote asking whethe... | I’m glad things have improved. The counselling should help you decide whether you want to continue in the marriage. |
30,573,057 | DEAR DEIDRE | I told boyfriend I want to see him have sex with another woman - he's confused | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30573057/fantasy-boyfriend-sex-another-woman/ | PLAYING around one bedtime, my boyfriend asked me if I’d consider an open relationship. But when I admitted my fantasy, he was appalled and is now sulky. We’ve been together for three years and have never been adventurous in bed, although I’ve secretly wanted to be. So when he asked about non-monogamy, I was excited an... | Your boyfriend sounds insecure and his reaction is making me wonder if perhaps a former relationship, or another key relationship in his life, broke down around issues of sexuality. If you want to make your relationship work, the only way is through communication. Keep talking, and reassuring him. Ask him to think abou... |
30,573,049 | I WANT TO HELP | My close pal is struggling with his mental health and he is shutting me out | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30573049/close-pal-struggling-mental-health/ | A CLOSE pal is really struggling with his mental health and, although we are good mates, I know he is shutting me out. We have worked together for nearly ten years at the same engineering firm. He has always seemed like the life and soul of the party but as I have got to know him better I’ve started to see how stressed... | It’s very good that you are encouraging him to talk to you. While this may seem simple to most of us, for some this is a huge and alien challenge. Reassure him that whatever is going on in his head will start to lighten if he can talk to someone. If he isn’t comfortable opening up to you, advise him to contact Mind, th... |
30,764,404 | AT A LOSS | Am I disrespecting my late husband if I take off my wedding ring? | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30764404/disrespecting-late-husband-take-off-wedding-ring/ | AM I disrespecting my late husband if I take off my wedding ring? He passed away six years ago but this feels like such a big step. I still have a busy life, my children are brilliant and call me most days. I’ve got a dog and I have met another dog-walker - a man who is 55. I’m 53. We walk along and we chat. He’s a div... | It’s not disrespectful to take off your ring but if it feels better for you, swap it to your left hand.There won’t be a day that goes by when you don’t think about your husband. If you’re ready to move on and find somebody else whether it is six months or six weeks after losing a loved one, that is your business and no... |
30,656,368 | SIBLING STRESS | My fiancé’s toxic sister won't let him speak to their long-lost sibling | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30656368/fiances-toxic-sister-controlling-long-lost-sibling/ | MY fiancé’s toxic sister is so controlling that she won’t let him speak to their newfound adopted sibling. She found their long-lost older sister on Facebook, but is keeping her all to herself - even though my fiancé is desperate to meet her. I’m 28 and my fiancé is 32. His sister is 34. When she told my fiancé she’d t... | You love your fiancé and are understandably frustrated by his sister’s cruel behaviour. But other people’s family dynamics are complex, and it’s best not to get between them. Instead, make it clear you’re there for him so he can talk to you. There’s nothing to stop him contacting his newfound sibling, but he clearly do... |
30,592,052 | PORN TEMPTATION | I'm want to become adult performer but worry my family will find out | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30592052/adult-performer-sex-club-family/ | AFTER my wife died last year, I started visiting a local sex club and now I’m tempted to become an adult performer. I am 57 and consider myself fairly experienced, yet I had never attended one of these gatherings. My wife and I had a great sex life and were so happy together, so when I learned about these meet-ups, I w... | I’m sorry to hear about the death of your wife. While no one will ever replace her, making new friends might help you feel less alone. The porn industry can be exploitative and, as a grieving man, you are vulnerable, so I would not recommend this. Also, you won’t be able to control who sees this content – family and fr... |
30,560,074 | AT A LOSS | Since my dad was killed in a hit and run, my life hasn't been worth living | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30560074/dad-killed-hit-run-life-not-worth-living/ | SINCE my dad was killed in a hit and run while I was on the phone to him, I’ve been feeling suicidal. We were very close and I miss him so much. I feel like nobody understands, including my girlfriend, but I have nobody else to talk to. He and my mum divorced when I was small and she didn’t have a good word to say abou... | You’ve experienced not only a terrible loss but a shocking and horrible trauma, so it’s not surprising you’re finding it hard to cope. My support pack on Bereavement will help you to navigate your grief and also contains sources of help. Check out Sue Ryder for free counselling (sueryder.org) because talking to someone... |
30,792,698 | CARRYING ON | My boyfriend said he was golfing - I tracked him down to a singles hotel | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30792698/boyfriend-said-golfing-tracked-spanish-singles-hotel/ | I RAN into a guy in town who my boyfriend was supposed to be away with on a golf holiday. We’ve been together for two years but our sex life has stopped. He says he can’t have sex with me. He was apparently advised by his doctor not to do it anymore because it was affecting his hernia. He’s 52 and I’m female and 38. I ... | I’m sorry. You deserve better from him. When he returns, confront him about the evidence you found after running into his friend. It’s time for an honest conversation. If he’s not being truthful about the doctor’s instructions and he is having sex elsewhere, then this isn’t the relationship you thought it was. A hernia... |
30,596,590 | SETTLE DOWN | I want to move in with my partner but he still lives with his mum at 40 | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30596590/move-in-partner-lives-with-mum/ | I WANT to move in with my partner but he is reluctant to find a place together because he’s always lived with his mum. He’s 40. I’m 37 and I live with my mum, too. We met at church and went on an outing together and were inseparable. We started dating and it was wonderful to be with someone so special. We started to ha... | He’s set in his ways and can’t see a time when he will cut those apron strings. But you’ve grown out of a dating relationship. You’re looking to settle down and perhaps start a family of your own. Tell him you need a compromise or this relation-ship isn’t going to work. Suggest renting a place short term to give you bo... |
30,792,703 | DEAR DEIDRE | My husband took a sickie from work to go have sex with his bit on the side | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30792703/husband-took-sickie-work-sex-bit-on-side/ | MY husband took a sickie so he could have sordid sex on his fancy woman’s birthday, so I chucked him out. We’ve been married for 10 years and we have two kids and I knew he’d been having an affair for the past 18 months. He swore to me it was over so discovering he’d sneaked off on her birthday was the last straw. She’... | Does he really want to be back home again or is this jealousy on his part? Don’t do anything quickly. You’re in the driving seat now. He’s got a lot to prove that he is feeling sincere and that his ex is no longer part of his life. My support pack called Torn Between Two Men may help you to decide if you do want him ba... |
30,532,074 | WORK CRUSH | Even though she’s married, I've fallen head over heels for my female boss | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30532074/shes-married-fallen-for-female-boss/ | EVEN though she’s married, I can’t get my female boss out of my head. I’m 35, she’s 32 and we both recently started work for a HR department. We get on well and after discovering that we lived close to each other decided to start car sharing to save petrol. Our journey’s in together quickly became the highlight of my w... | Unfortunately this woman has made clear how she feels. While she may have told you she liked you, she clearly came to her senses. She doesn’t want to jeopardise her marriage. She’s likely keeping her distance from you out of respect for her marriage. As hard as it may be to accept, the person for you will be open and a... |
30,560,070 | THANK YOU | When my ex couldn't make his mind up about me, you helped me make the break | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30560070/ex-couldnt-make-his-mind-up-helped-break/ | MY ex was like Jekyll and Hyde - he’d be all over me one day, then disappear and ghost me for the next three. It made me so unhappy and insecure that after months of this, I ended the relationship. But even after we’d split, I felt so confused and needed answers. That’s why I wrote to you. I'm 23 and he’s 25. We were t... | Sometimes, it’s hard to see how unhealthy a relationship is until you’re out of it. I’m glad you’ve realised this man was bad news, and are yourself again. |
30,560,079 | UNLUCKY IN LOVE | Being quirky and different is stopping me from finding a girlfriend | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30560079/quirky-different-stopping-from-finding-girlfriend/ | BEING quirky and different is stopping me from finding a girlfriend. Unlike other guys my age, I have a unique sense of style and, unusually, I enjoy listening to jazz, not pop or rap. I’m 18 and have zero luck with women. I’ve tried chatting up girls in pubs and clubs, asking out mates at college, and even online dati... | Being quirky and having your own interests make you an individual, and the right girl will appreciate that. I’m certain you’re not ugly. And you’ve had a girlfriend before, so clearly women find you attractive. Perhaps when you chat women up you’re coming across as too keen, which can be off-putting. Read my support pa... |
30,532,082 | HARD TASK | Blood pressure tablets have made it impossible for me to climax | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30532082/blood-pressure-tablets-impossible-to-climax/ | SINCE I started taking tablets for my high blood pressure, it’s been impossible for me to ejaculate during sex. While I’ve done my best to reassure my wife it has nothing to do with her, I can tell it’s getting her down. I’m 62, my wife is 58 and we’ve been married for twenty-five years. We’ve always had a really good ... | While blood pressure medicines can make it more difficult, try to remember that good sex is about far more than reaching a climax. Instead of getting caught up focusing on the end goal, instead, enjoy and savour the whole experience and try to find pleasure in the intimacy you’re sharing along the way. You may even fin... |
30,560,076 | SIBLING STRESS | Why does my mum treat me and my sister so differently? | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30560076/why-mum-treat-me-sister-so-differently/ | WHY does my mum treat me and my sister so differently? She dotes on my useless sister, while I get nothing - no affection, no financial help, no support. It feels like she hates me, and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I’m 32 and my sister is 29. Our mother is 60. Throughout our childhood, my mother belittled me, tel... | Your mother has treated you cruelly and unfairly.It’s possible she resents you for a specific reason - perhaps something in her past - but it’s not your fault, and doesn’t excuse her behaviour. You could ask her to explain herself, however it’s possible she can’t, or won’t recognise her own failings. A relative might b... |
30,510,345 | DEAR DEIDRE | I love my older girlfriend but our 20-year age gap is causing us issues | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30510345/love-older-girlfriend-age-gap-causing-issues/ | PEOPLE say my girlfriend is a cougar because she’s over 20 years older than me, but I’m proud to be with her. However, she’s embarrassed - she won’t introduce me to her friends or family, and we always stay at my home. How can I convince her that I genuinely love her and want a future with her? I’m a 27-year-old guy, a... | Society can be judgemental about relationships with large age gaps. But many couples do have happy, lasting relationships, despite their age difference. Perhaps your girlfriend feels she will be judged harshly, or her friends won’t have anything in common with you. She may be concerned about the future - for example, i... |
30,591,973 | NOT CLEAN | I'm doubting future with boyfriend as his cocaine habit has become so destructive | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30591973/doubting-future-boyfriend-cocaine-habit/ | OVER the past few years my boyfriend’s cocaine habit has become so destructive that I am having major doubts about our future together. He says it isn’t an addiction, even though he is spending over £150 per week on the drug. I am worried he won’t change. We are both 33 and have known one another since we were teenager... | If you love him you may well be in for a difficult time. He’s an addict and has been for years. That doesn’t mean he can’t change, but it will take effort. Set a time limit on this relationship, or you could waste years hoping. If the drugs mean more to him than your relationship, it may be best to walk away. My suppor... |
30,532,072 | MAKE OVER | Husband accuses me of dressing up for the school dads | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30532072/husband-accuses-dressing-up-for-school-dads/ | AFTER years of feeling down about my appearance, I finally decided to make some changes to help my self-confidence. Yet instead of being happy for me, my husband has accused me of tarting myself up for the men at the school gates. I’m 38, my husband is 40 and we’ve been married for ten years. We have two sons together,... | Your husband's comments are disrespectful and instead of being supportive, he’s trying to tear you down. You need to find a calm and quiet moment to sit down and tell how he’s making you feel. Explain to him why you’re making these changes and make it clear that he can’t talk to you this way. My support pack Standing U... |
30,510,344 | FOOD FEARS | I'm hiding my eating disorder and rapid weight loss from my boyfriend | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30510344/hiding-eating-disorder-rapid-weight-loss-from-boyfriend/ | MY boyfriend says I’ve become a different person since I started losing weight. But what he doesn’t know is that I fear I’ve developed an eating disorder. I’m 24 and he’s 26. We’ve been together for two years. When I first started losing weight, it was intentional because I was a bit overweight. But now I can’t stop di... | It does sound like you have all the signs of an eating disorder, which could be anorexia, so it’s brave of you to ask for help before you make yourself seriously ill. It’s almost impossible to deal with this alone. You need professional help. Please reach out to Beat (beateatingdisorders.org.uk) who can help you, and w... |
30,510,347 | SO LOW | My husband has sunk into a deep depression since we separated | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30510347/husband-sunk-deep-depression-since-separated/ | SINCE my husband and I separated, he has sunk into a deep depression. All I want is for him to come home to me and our children, but I don’t know how to help him. I’m 42 and he’s 44. We’ve been married for 10 years. We were having some problems and, last year, had a huge row which culminated in a joint decision to spli... | I know you want your husband back home, but it doesn’t sound like he’s in the right frame of mind for this to happen at the moment. He needs to get his depression diagnosed and treated, so it’s important that he sees his GP. My support pack on Depression has lots of useful advice and information. Make it clear you’re t... |
30,487,770 | DEAR DEIDRE | Quickies in the staff room with my boss have got me nowhere | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30487770/quickies-staff-room-boss-got-me-nowhere/ | RISKING my reputation with quickies in the storeroom, staff car park and staff room has completely backfired now my boss has dumped me by text. And I’m furious. I’m a supermarket worker who’s been having a fling with one of my managers for three years. At 41 he’s six years older than me but is so fit you’d never know. ... | You went into this with your eyes wide open. There may have been cracks in his marriage but sometimes, people manipulate a situation for their own ends. He made you feel as if you were the best person in the world but now he’s shown his true colours. He’s not been honest. He was getting closer to being rumbled so he’s ... |
30,487,769 | PARENTING PROBLEMS | My daughter is struggling to cope since my girlfriend ghosted me | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30487769/daughter-struggling-cope-since-girlfriend-ghosted-me/ | MY girlfriend ghosted me and now I’m dealing with the collateral damage from my daughter, who doesn’t understand why we are back to spending our weekends alone. I’m a guy of 39 who works from home. My daughter is six and she’s the light of my life. She struggles with learning difficulties and she’s a bit full-on, but s... | Your ex’s behaviour was harsh but it also suggests that she feels incredibly ashamed and isn’t in a place to open up properly or maintain a romantic relationship. I’m afraid she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to continue the relationship and for all your sakes you would be better off accepting her wishes. There are p... |
30,736,043 | LIVING IN FEAR | My mum is terrified of my sister who is making her life hell | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30736043/mum-terrified-of-sister-hell/ | MY sister only speaks to our mum to criticise her. She makes life hell for both of us. I’m a 22-year-old single man. My sister’s 24. We both live at home. I plan to move out as soon as I can but then my mum would have nobody to stand up for her. My mum is a lovely person and deserves better. She is 54. She raised us al... | In a calm moment can you talk to your sister and explain the effect her behaviour is having on you and your mum. Your mum deserves to live in peace in her own home. The more she does for your sister, the more she will abuse her. This is not an excuse, but your sister’s anger may stem from when your parents divorced, es... |
30,445,045 | DEAR DEIDRE | I feel humiliated after my husband's affair - everybody in our village knows | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30445045/humiliated-after-my-husbands-affair/ | MY whole village is laughing at me after my husband’s indiscreet affair. This other woman works in the local convenience store, her kids go to the same school as mine and she brings her cat into the vets where I work. There is no escape from her — it’s so painful. There are reminders of his infidelity at every corner a... | You have every right to feel upset. He is trying to dismiss your feelings in the hope that you and he can move on and forget what happened but if he isn’t prepared to acknowledge the damage he has done, you will never be able to rebuild the trust between you. He has to try to make it up to you and face up to his action... |
30,445,050 | KEPT IN RESERVE | I have been waiting six years for married lover to leave her husband | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30445050/waiting-six-years-married-lover-leave-husband/ | DAYS drift by between contact with the woman I love, leaving me feeling incredibly lonely. I met her on a dating app and while she has repeatedly promised that she is leaving her husband, it never happens. I am a 42-year-old single guy. This woman told me she was married very early on in our conversations, which I took... | Six years is a long time to wait in reserve. You’ve let her into your life with no guarantee or reassurance that she is going to leave her husband for you. I can’t tell you if she’s being honest, or about the state of her marriage. Only she knows the truth. You need to tell her how you’re feeling and ask whether she ge... |
30,532,079 | DEAR DEIDRE | My husband is convinced I’m cheating and I’m even starting to question myself | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30532079/husband-convinced-cheating-starting-question-myself/ | EVER since I moved away temporarily for work I’ve grown close to a male colleague but our friendship is driving my husband mad with jealousy. He’s convinced that there’s something more between us and while I’ve done my best to deny it, I’m starting to question if he’s right. I’m 43, my husband is 45 and we’ve been marr... | While it’s possible that you may have feelings for this new man, you owe it to your family to work on your marriage. The distance between you has understandably put a strain on your relationship, and unless you work on it together, things will only get worse. Your husband is likely missing you and seeing that you’re ha... |
30,560,077 | DEAR DEIDRE | I’m happy for my girlfriend to cheat with other men - as long as I can watch | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30560077/discovering-girlfriends-infidelity-given-cuckold-fetish/ | I’M happy for my girlfriend to cheat with other men - as long as I can watch. The shock and anger I felt when I discovered her infidelity has given way to a cuckold fetish, but now I’m worried I’m playing with fire. I’m 27 and my girlfriend is 28. We met at university and have been together for five years. Two years ag... | Your cuckold fetish is not as unusual as you’d think, and many men are aroused by the thought of another man having sex with their partner.My support pack Fetish Worries, will help you understand this. But making fantasy a reality comes with risks, as you’ve realised. You need to express your fears to her and discuss b... |
30,573,055 | BEYOND REPAIR | I kicked my selfish younger brother out and I fear there is no way back | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30573055/kicked-selfish-younger-brother-out/ | MY younger brother has always been selfish and expected me to run around after him but I’m worried our relationship is beyond repair after his latest stunt. When he couldn’t afford the rent on his flat, I took him in. He lived with me for six years rent-free, only contributing to the bills.I’m 43 and he’s 38. Recently,... | Legally you should give your brother reasonable notice to collect his belongings and 30 days is considered a fair time period. After that, you are not obliged to keep it. Could you box up his possessions and deliver them to his new address? I’m sending you my support pack Standing Up For Yourself to help you. |
30,573,059 | NO IMAGINATION | I love to roleplay and dress up and my new boyfriend is just not interested | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30573059/i-love-to-roleplay-dress-up/ | DRESSING up in sexy costumes and indulging in a little role play used to be my favourite way to get up close and personal with my previous partner – but my new boyfriend will have nothing to do with it. He says that we’re not kids going to fancy-dress parties and accuses me of being ridiculous. He’s really upset me. If... | Role play and dressing up is a great way to spice up a relationship – especially a long-term one – but only if both partners are up for it. While you love the drama, there are plenty of people who feel self-conscious and silly, even. Some even feel threatened by the character they are asked to take on – feeling insecur... |
30,439,391 | SICK OF HER | I’m tempted to throw my lazy teenage daughter out as she's ruining my life | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30439391/lazy-teenage-daughter-never-leaves-room/ | ALL my daughter does is lie in her room. She is 18 and her lazy behaviour is ruining my life. I’ve been a single mother since she was four, yet she idolises her nearly absent father. Whenever I ask her to clean her room, do her chores or even think about her career, she screams at me. She barely even goes out to see fr... | It does sound like your daughter is struggling with her mental health. You are describing someone who is moody and withdrawn, which are signs her mental health is suffering. She can talk with The Mix, which has a free confidential helpline for young people – call 0808 808 4994. They are also available on email and live... |
30,510,342 | WORK WORRIES | A colleague is spreading malicious lies about me around the office | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30510342/colleague-spreading-malicious-lies-around-office/ | A colleague is spreading malicious lies about me at work, and it’s making me feel so stressed and anxious. I now dread going into the office because I’m sure everyone is talking about me - and that they all believe the rumours. I’m at the end of my tether. I’m a 44-year-old divorced man. This colleague, who is older th... | Having lies spread about you is both distressing and very serious, as it’s slander. Talk to your line manager and to Human Resources and let them know what’s happening. If possible, ask the female colleague if she’ll back you up. And tell other colleagues the rumours are baseless. If you’re a member of a union, contact... |
30,439,392 | DEAR DEIDRE | Sexting with my lover behind my husband's back is not enough, I want more | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30439392/sexting-with-lover-not-enough/ | I HAVE been sexting a man half my age behind my husband’s back. He gives me the attention my husband hasn’t given me in 20 years of marriage. We’re both 42 and we haven’t had sex in years. I met my lover at work a few months ago, he was the new member of staff and I felt instantly attracted to him. He reminded me of my... | Don’t leave your husband for your lover. While this man is providing you with an exciting distraction, in the cold light of day that is all this is. If he was going to leave his girlfriend for you, he would’ve done it by now. Instead, speak to your husband about how you’re feeling. Ask what is going on for him – perhap... |
30,439,401 | PASSION GONE | I can't get a strong erection and my wife is fed up - I fear marriage is over | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30439401/cant-get-a-strong-erection-marriage/ | WHY can’t I get a strong erection any more? I’m 65 years old and have been married to my wife who is 63 for 40 years. We always had an active sex life – until I hit my sixties when suddenly my problems started. We’ve tried everything but nothing has worked. Now me and my wife don’t have sex and our relationship has tak... | It isn’t uncommon for men’s erections to become weaker as they age. The nerves in the penis get less sensitive with older men and this, coupled with a drop in testosterone levels, means more older men experience erectile dysfunction. It’s really important to visit your doctor to rule out any possible underlying medical... |
30,423,137 | WILL WORRIES | My blended family is at loggerheads because of our will | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30423137/blended-family-loggerheads-because-of-will/ | MY blended family is at loggerheads because of wills. My husband and I are in our 60s and have been married for 30 years. We share a beautiful daughter and we both have children from previous relationships. We created the perfect unit until we decided to update our wills. I wanted the value of our home to be divided up... | Your husband shouldn’t be saying such nasty things to you and my support pack 'Abusive Partner’ will show you where to find some support. Abuse doesn’t always take the physical form of violence, you can be mentally or emotionally abused. Find a moment between you and your husband where you can discuss your feelings. Te... |
30,423,138 | DEAR DEIDRE | How can I stop my sex party and massage parlour compulsion? | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30423138/cheating-wife-sex-party-massage-parlour-habits/ | WITH over twenty five years of marriage to the loveliest woman under my belt, I feel nothing but guilt and am desperate to give up my shameful sex party and massage parlour habit. I went to my first swingers party 20 years ago, shortly after my daughter was born. My wife and I have always had a bland sex life that has ... | Twenty years of this double life is clearly taking its toll and you’re fed up of lying. This can’t continue as you’re risking not only your health, but also your wife’s. You’re caught in a compulsively destructive cycle and are likely to have a sex addiction. The good news is you can overcome this but some expert suppo... |
30,423,136 | EX STRESS | My partner's ex-girlfriend is an uninvited guest in our lives | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30423136/partners-ex-girlfriend-overly-involved-in-our-lives/ | MY partner’s ex-girlfriend is still part of his family and I want her gone. I’m 25 years old, my partner is 30 and his ex-girlfriend is 27. We’ve been together for two years and he shares his five-year-old daughter with his ex. One of the things that I love about my partner is his determination to coparent peacefully w... | It’s not fair that you feel uncomfortable during these situations. It’s fantastic that your boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend co-parent so well together, it will ultimately benefit their daughter. But if her presence is affecting your relationship then it’s time to redraw the lines. Explain how you are feeling pushed out... |
30,439,397 | ALWAYS A FIGHT | Living with my wife is a nightmare - I can't say or do anything right | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30439397/living-with-wife-a-nightmare/ | MY wife is constantly picking fights with me. Whatever comes out of my mouth is incorrect or wrong. Every day, I dread waking up and dealing with her because I know we will have an argument about something. A few days ago she told me off because I burned the pizza I was cooking. I kept apologising but she would not let... | This is not a nice situation for anyone in your home. Think back to when her behaviour changed. Has something happened? Can you ask her about what has changed for her and let her know how her treatment makes you feel. Tell her it’s un-acceptable for her to speak to you in this manner at any point in your lives. My supp... |
30,423,140 | JEALOUS STREAK | My girlfriend wants my social media log ins to keep an eye on me | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30423140/girlfriend-wants-social-media-log-ins-keep-eye/ | MY girlfriend wants my social media logins so she can trust me not to cheat. We’re both 16 years old and met at college. Four months ago I asked her to be my girlfriend. It didn’t take long for her to start demanding that I hand over my phone so she could check up on me. I was confused, but she told me if I didn’t let ... | Stick to your guns. Your girlfriend shouldn’t be demanding your login and you’re entitled to a private life. My support pack ‘Learning to Love’ will be beneficial to you. If your girlfriend can’t accept that you won’t allow her to go through your phone then I would seriously question whether your relationship has a fut... |
30,405,365 | DEAR DEIDRE | We were patching things up - then my husband's lover announced she was pregnant | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30405365/patching-things-husbands-lover-announced-pregnant/ | I DIDN'T think things could get worse when I found out my husband was cheating on me, but then his lover announced she was pregnant with his child. Now the life we built together is in ruins and I have no clue where to go from here. I’m 42, my husband is 46 and we’ve been married for 15 years. We have a seven-year-old ... | Your husband has hurt and betrayed you, and now his actions will alter your life forever. Working through your new reality will take careful consideration. You and your husband need to have an open and honest conversation to work through your issues. Together you were repairing your relationship and addressing what was... |
30,405,364 | SO LOW | I'd love to get out dating again but surgery has left me self-conscious | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30405364/love-dating-again-surgery-self-conscious/ | EVER since my cataract surgery gave me a lazy eye, my self-esteem has been on the floor. Now any time I look in the mirror the mere sight of me brings me to tears. I’m a 60-year-old single man and after years of struggling with bad eyesight, four months ago I finally decided to go under the knife. While I knew with any... | Please ask for a second opinion as in many cases there is treatment available for lazy eye after cataract surgery. Dealing with low self-esteem can be incredibly difficult but remember your appearance doesn’t define your worth. To us, our insecurities feel so big, but the chances are the people around you don’t give yo... |
30,487,759 | EX STRESS | I can't move on from my toxic ex even though he's bad for me | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30487759/cant-move-on-toxic-ex-bad-for-me/ | I KNEW I shouldn’t have got together with my childhood ex as he’s a complete womaniser. I’m a divorced woman of 36 and I’ve not had the best track history of dating. I went to a school reunion and met a guy I went out with when I was 17. He cheated on me back then. He’s 37 now. He’s never moved away from our home town ... | You can and you must, for your own integrity and self-worth. Some people won’t ever be monogamous - which is what you crave - he’s not the one for you. Tell him that casual sex isn’t your style and you aren’t going to allow yourself to get into this situation again. You deserve better so wait until you really know some... |
30,487,774 | CROSS DRESSING | My cross dressing fetish is ruining my sex life and relationship | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30487774/cross-dressing-fetish-ruining-sex-life-relationship/ | MY sex life is failing because I can only get fully aroused when I’m wearing women’s clothes. I’m a man of 42 and my wife doesn’t know that I have this fetish. It started when I was a kid because I had two big sisters and we used to play dressing-up games. I found when I hit puberty, that the soft materials against my ... | First of all, I want to let you know that many men experience the same need to wear women’s clothing in order to become aroused. Your wife is missing intimacy and you don’t feel comfortable letting her know about your fetish. You need to work out if you can share your secret with your wife and how to explain that this ... |
30,405,368 | NO BOUNDARIES | My son's girlfriend treats our house like a hotel | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30405368/sons-girlfriend-treats-house-like-hotel/ | WHEN my son asked if his girlfriend could move in I happily obliged, but now she’s treating our house like a hotel. I’m a 57-year-old single father. My son is 22, his girlfriend is 19 and they’ve been together for a year. Since the moment they met he’s been smitten and whenever she stayed she seemed lovely. However, si... | You’ve been kind to let her move in, but it’s time to set some boundaries. If your son isn’t willing to tell her, you can at least put your foot down. Tell your son that you will no longer be cooking and cleaning for them and if she doesn’t start contributing she will need to move out. Don’t allow her to take advantage... |
30,386,211 | DEAR DEIDRE | I've fallen deeply for my lover but he won’t leave his alcoholic wife | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30386211/fallen-deeply-lover-wont-leave-alcoholic-wife/ | THE man I’m dating won’t leave his wife because she’s an alcoholic - and I’m not sure if I should wait for him. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but he’s scared his wife will drink herself to death if he divorces her. I’m 34 and have been seeing him for three years. He’s 41. We met on social media and becam... | Your lover is in an impossible situation. But he needs to understand he is not responsible for his wife. Only she can decide she wants help to stop drinking. The brutal truth is: she may well drink herself to death whether he stays or goes. Give him my support pack Dealing With A Problem Drinker, which has information ... |
30,463,368 | DEAR DEIDRE | My wife & I had a threesome with another woman - now I'm secretly meeting her | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30463368/riddled-guilt-illicit-sex-sessions-third-partner/ | SECRETLY meeting up with our third partner for illicit sessions has been thrilling and yet I’m unsettled. I haven’t done anything with this other woman that my wife hasn’t seen me do with her already but still I feel bad. I’m a man of 35 and my wife is 33. We’ve been married for five years and we have a baby and a todd... | Opening up any relationship is a delicate business and strong communication is the foundation of success. You both agreed to a one-off threesome, but did you discuss the boundaries around this? I doubt your wife would have sanctioned you meeting this woman alone - and certainly not without discussion. Some people can m... |
30,463,365 | PARENTING PROBLEMS | I'm worried sick that my nine-year-old daughter is self-harming | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30463365/worried-sick-nine-year-old-daughter-self-harming/ | I RAN my little girl a shower last night and was horrified to see some marks on her arms. It looks like she’s self-harming. She’s nearly nine and has just gone to middle school. She finds it difficult to process verbal information. We are waiting for some assessments as she never really fitted in at her previous school... | That’s so tough. Self-harm is a way of dealing with emotional pain so my guess is that she’s feeling isolated and down. If she’s finding it hard to process when people are talking to her, she may have sensory overload. This can be a symptom of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) or an auditory processing di... |
30,573,056 | LED ASTRAY | My wife's pal likes to sleep around and party - it's threatening our marriage | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30573056/wife-best-pal-threatening-our-marriage/ | MY wife’s relationship with her promiscuous friend is threatening our marriage. I’ve never liked this friend, as she loves nothing more than long nights out drinking and partying – and tends to go home with a different man each time. She’s single so that’s fine – it’s her choice. But we are married and have a toddler. ... | It’s time to sit your wife down and explain how dismissing your feelings is destroying your trust in her. Talk to her about how worried you are, not only for her safety but also the future of your family. Your wife may well miss her old carefree life, and like many new mums may be wondering where her sense of self has ... |
30,386,200 | CARRYING ON | I’ve been sexting my son’s barber, and now things are getting hairy | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30386200/sexting-sons-barber-things-getting-hairy/ | I’VE been sexting my son’s barber, and now things are getting hairy. My son is due a haircut next week, and I’m feeling nervous because I’m married. I’m 28 and my son is six. My husband is 30. We haven’t been getting on well lately, or having sex. When my son’s barber sent me a message about his next appointment, the c... | Stop! You’re playing a dangerous game. Ask yourself whether you really want to get involved in an affair that will risk your marriage and mess up your son’s life. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, you need to fix it, rather than looking elsewhere. Talk to your husband honestly about your feelings. It might be wis... |
30,463,359 | AT ODDS | I'm worried I've ruined my relationship after coming clean about my pet peeves | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30463359/worried-ruined-relationship-coming-clean-pet-peeves/ | WHEN I finally told my girlfriend the things that had been annoying me about her for months, she said she felt attacked. It’s because I’ve never been much of a talker. I’m a shy man of 28 and she’s 30. We met online and it took huge courage for me to actually show up for a date. We now live together and it’s been great... | Your girlfriend won’t feel attacked if you use the word ‘I’ rather than ‘You’. Saying, “I feel upset when…” comes over in a softer way than saying, “You annoy me when…”. Take your time to express your feelings and think about how it will come across to the recipient. You could begin by asking whether you could talk abo... |
30,463,374 | WANDERING EYE | My husband loves flirting with other women and never gives me a second look | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30463374/husband-flirting-other-women-never-second-look/ | MY husband loves meeting other women. He flirts and chats with them but never gives me a second look. We’ve been married for 10 years. He’s 45 and I’m 41. He’s not affectionate towards me these days. I get a peck on the cheek when he goes to work but that’s all. We don’t have sex any more but he says it’s because he “h... | If sex is over quickly for him it’s denting his pride. He’s checking in with other women to build his self-esteem to prove that he’s still attractive. This is hurtful to you though and you deserve better. In a quiet moment, explain to him that you want the attention on you and not on other women. Ask him what you can d... |
30,386,213 | DATING DISTRESS | All I want is to meet a nice woman and settle down but I'm having no luck | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30386213/want-meet-nice-woman-settle-down-no-luck/ | ALL I want is to meet a nice woman and settle down. But despite trying everything from dating apps to walking groups, I’ve had no luck. I’m a sane, decent man of 42, who still has all my own hair. I’m a little shy, but I do make an effort. I have a good job, eat healthily, try to stay fit and have hobbies and interests... | The dating scene is increasingly difficult, especially for those who don’t find swiping right the best way to meet a mate. Give up on those and concentrate on making friends with women through your interests. Friendship is the best start to a lasting relationship. Even if those friendships don’t automatically lead to r... |
30,354,870 | DEAR DEIDRE | I'm haunted by partner’s affair because he may have had another child with her | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30354870/tortured-possibility-husband-has-illegitimate-child/ | I AM haunted by my partner’s affair even though it happened five years ago because he may have had another child with her. We have been together for 12 years and have a daughter aged eight. I am 36 and my partner is 38. They used to go to gymnastics and grew up together in the same village. Apparently they bumped into ... | You need to resolve this uncertainty in order to move on. Be honest with your husband and explain how you feel. Tell him how much his affair hurt you and you worry he may have fathered her child. Try to stay calm so that you can assess the situation together. Keep in mind that if your partner does have a child with thi... |
30,354,865 | AT A LOSS | I'm worried sick about my friend after her son was abducted and taken to Egypt | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30354865/worried-friend-son-abducted-taken-to-egypt/ | MY friend is in a mess after her son was abducted by his nanny and taken to Egypt. She has always had a problem with alcohol and at one point her son was taken into care. She got her son back and because of work, she employed a nanny. My friend is divorced from her husband. She is 42. Her son is just nine years old. My... | Your friend’s nanny has acted illegally. Not only has she broken your friend’s trust, but she has also acted cruelly and selfishly. Please contact Action Against Abduction (actionagainstabduction.org), which works to help bring children home. You can also try Reunite International (reunite.org, 01162 556 234), which is... |
30,354,861 | EX STRESS | I'm sleeping with my ex-boyfriend even though he's in a new relationship | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30354861/sleeping-with-ex-boyfriend-hes-in-new-relationship/ | I AM having great sex with my ex-boyfriend even though he has a new girlfriend. She owns her own flat and I think that’s the only reason he is with her. We split up six months ago after being together for almost three years. I am 31 and my ex is 34. I thought our relationship was solid but we suddenly started arguing o... | You are proving he can! Your ex may genuinely care for you as well as lusting after you, but he can’t have it all. He has to choose. If he can’t commit to you, stop this dead-end secret affair before you get hurt. My support pack Moving On and Finding The Right Partner For You will help you meet a man who wants you 100... |
30,445,048 | SO AFRAID | I wake up at night screaming after terrors and worry they are a sign of dementia | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30445048/wake-up-screaming-scared-night-terrors/ | I WOKE my husband up in the early hours screaming like someone was attacking me. I was dreaming about being kidnapped. This isn’t the first time it has happened and I was hoarse all day.I am 64 and retired. My husband is 66. I am really afraid that these night terrors might become more regular or be a sign of dementia.... | There can be many reasons night terrors happen including stress or traumas but it is important this is taken seriously. A sleep clinic might be able to help you so talk to your GP. Ageing is the biggest risk factor for dementia but there are ways to reduce your risk including a healthy lifestyle and weight, regular exe... |
30,439,398 | RUINED IT | My girlfriend dumped me because I went to a concert with my ex | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30439398/girlfriend-dumped-me-concert-ex/ | THE love of my life broke up with me after I went to a concert with my ex. I met my girlfriend last year, months after my ex and I split up. The three of us are all in our mid-twenties. When we were together, my ex and I arranged to go to some music festivals with our friendship group. We’d been looking forward to fest... | While I have no doubt you are innocent, I can see why your ex felt insecure. This is an unusual situation, which would make most women feel worried. She may also have spoken to friends or family members who may have reinforced the message that your arrangement was a strange one. If this was the other way around, would ... |
30,331,751 | DEAR DEIDRE | An anonymous Facebook profile sent me compromising images of my wife | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30331751/cant-trust-wife-fake-profile-exposed-cheating/ | THE nude photographs of my wife sent to my Facebook account from a stranger, made my stomach heave. Whoever sent the images used a fake profile so I’ve no idea where they came from. Our marriage has had its ups and downs. We’ve been together for 10 years and married for eight. I’m a man of 40 and my wife is 38 and she’... | Probably not but she could be lonely. Long periods alone can upset a marriage and although someone needs to put food on the table, a good relationship isn’t always about money. Find a quiet moment to talk to her about what you’ve been sent and explain how betrayed you feel. You need to know if she wants to try and rebu... |
30,331,750 | COMMITMENT ISSUES | I've fallen for a great guy but he still wants to meet other women | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30331750/fallen-great-guy-still-wants-meet-other-women/ | THE guy I’m seeing says I tick all his boxes but he still wants to meet other women. I feel as if he’s waiting for a better offer. We aren’t teenagers. He’s 54 and I’m 56. We’ve both been married before. My husband died five years ago of a heart attack. I’ve had years of grieving and my daughters have done nothing but ... | He’s hedging his bets and that’s not fair on you. You don’t want to be somebody’s booty call. You’re looking for somebody who can at least commit to being in some kind of relationship in whatever form that takes. You don’t want a ‘situationship’ or a ‘friends-with-benefits’ arrangement, so don’t compromise. Tell him yo... |
30,331,752 | WEDDING WORRIES | My nan is sucking the joy out of our wedding plans | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30331752/nan-sucking-joy-out-of-wedding-plans/ | I COULDN'T be more happy to marry my soulmate but one thing is ruining our engagement - my nan isn’t speaking to me. I’ve been with my fiancé for 10 years and at 33, we decided to get married. My fiancé is 35. We don’t want the big fancy wedding and we never have done. My mum is a single mum and has never married and I... | I’m sorry that these issues are taking the joy out of what should be a happy event. Wait for the dust to settle. Talk to your nan again about arranging some sort of a celebration which would include them. Perhaps they can view your wedding via video link or Facetime or you could have a blessing in church with your gran... |
30,331,749 | SO DOWN | My girlfriend bullies me but I'm too afraid to tell anybody | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30331749/girlfriend-bullies-me-too-afraid-tell-anybody/ | I’M a man who is too ashamed to tell anybody that I’m scared of my female partner. She is full of threats and bullies me until I do as she says. I’m a man of 72 and she’s 65. She’s not a nice person. We’ve lived together for six years. I never complain. I pay a huge amount of money towards the household bills but she n... | Nor should you have to. It’s unlikely you’ll be able to change her. Only she can do that and right now, you are feeling intimidated and frightened. When she shouts and threatens you again, move to a different room or go out of the house for a walk and don’t go back to her until she has calmed down. Check out Respect (r... |
30,386,207 | SIBLING STRESS | My daughter gets jealous whenever I spend time with her sister | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30386207/daughter-jealous-whenever-spend-time-with-sister/ | MY younger daughter gets jealous whenever I take my elder daughter out to the cinema or a restaurant. She seems to be resentful of any relationship I have with her sister and tells me she’s my favourite - but it isn’t true. I’m a 60-year-old divorced man, with two girls, aged 30 and 32. The elder one is married with a ... | You sound like a kind and loving dad, and you’ve done nothing wrong. Your younger daughter is clearly jealous of her elder sister, who has the relationship and family she craves but can’t find. It sounds like she may be insecure and perhaps feel she’s not good enough, or lovable enough - even though this isn’t true. Ma... |
30,317,069 | DEAR DEIDRE | I admitted to affair & my husband revealed he's having sex with pal's daughter | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30317069/husband-sex-with-friends-daughter/ | MY husband has been having sex with a friend’s daughter – someone I watched grow up and even looked after. She is 28 now, a beautiful young woman, and he is acting like the cat that got the cream. I’m devastated. I am 49 and my husband is 52. We have been together for 25 years but I always found it hard to trust him a... | Revenge cheating doesn’t take away the pain or make things better. It may feel tempting to get even, but in reality there is little satisfaction. Betrayal can erode the trust in a relationship and building that back can take considerable time. Be honest with your husband and explain how you feel. Tell him how much his ... |
30,317,070 | DRINKING TO DEATH | My alcoholic son can't stop his addiction and I fear I will find him dead | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30317070/alcoholic-son-cant-stop-addiction/ | I AM worried sick about my son. He is an alcoholic, but he is abusive with it. I can’t have him living with me because he can be violent and vile. I have tried everything to help him. Family and friends have completely cut him off and I can’t help but wonder if I should do the same. The thought of shutting him out terr... | Dealing with a child who has an alcohol problem is stressful but it is vital that you take care of yourself. Going to a support group for families such as al-anonuk.org.uk (0800 0086 811) can help. You can’t make your son stop drinking or force him to seek help and it’s not easy for someone to admit that they have a pr... |
30,405,363 | GUTS FULL | Husband flirts with every other woman but puts me down at any opportunity | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30405363/had-enough-manipulated-gaslit-by-husband/ | AFTER years of being manipulated and gaslit, I’ve reached the end of my tether with my husband. Every day he breaks me down just a bit more and I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to take it. I’m 52, my husband is 56 and we’ve been married for 25 years. We have three grown-up children together. Our relationship u... | There is no excuse for your husband’s behaviour. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can have long-lasting results. If you want things to improve you both need to have an open and honest discussion. Find a moment to explain to him how you’ve been feeling and tell him that something needs to change. My support... |
30,317,071 | BROKEN MY TRUST | My wife sent sexy pictures in her underwear to man she met on Instagram | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30317071/wife-sent-sexy-pictures-instagram/ | I FOUND out my wife has been sending sexy pictures of herself to another man, and it has sent my anxiety through the roof. I am 37 and my wife is 35. We have been together for six years and have a two-year-old daughter. My wife is a lovely woman and I thought she was happy. When I confronted her, she admitted she’d bee... | This is a form of cheating. Tell her how hurt you are and ask her how she would feel if you were doing the same thing with other women. Trust is essential in a relationship. Even if your wife hasn’t actively had an affair, she has been talking to another man in secret, knowing it was wrong. My support pack, Cheating – ... |
30,423,134 | THANK YOU | When our sex life died you helped us reignite our spark | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30423134/sex-life-died-helped-us-reignite-our-spark/ | I WROTE to you because my wife had gone off sex completely. She’d just given birth to our youngest son and was experiencing issues with her mental health for the first time. I’m 33 and she’s 34. It didn’t take long for our sex life to stop and it felt like we were friends, not lovers. Whilst I supported my wife, my hea... | Mental health can have a huge impact on a couple’s sex life. I’m so pleased that things are back on track for you both. |
30,311,496 | DEAR DEIDRE | Church-going husband has been having sex with another woman and blames me | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30311496/church-going-husband-sex-woman/ | MY husband makes out he’s holier than anyone at our church and yet I know he’s having sex with another parishioner. Everyone tells me what a good man he is and he loves volunteering for all the fundraisers at church. Yet since this new woman arrived, he’s become the worst — a sinner. I’m 57 and he’s 56 and we have been... | Your husband should have told you he was unhappy with the lack of intimacy in your relationship – only then could you have addressed the problem. But now that you know it is up to both of you to decide if you want to try and repair the damage. You’ll both need to start talking through what is making you unhappy in your... |
30,269,878 | DEAR DEIDRE | Who should I spend my golden years with, my husband or my younger lover? | https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/30269878/who-golden-years-husband-younger-lover/ | AFTER seven years of living a double life, I can’t decide who to spend my golden years with - my husband or my younger lover. I’m 62, and my husband is 65. We’ve been married for 35 years and have three grown up daughters together. My husband and I built a good life, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t grown bored over... | It’s understandable that you’re torn, but try to remind yourself of the commitment you made to your husband all those years ago. While your lover has been a great distraction, without focusing on the issues in your marriage and trying to work through them, you haven’t given your husband an equal chance. Of course, righ... |
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Agony Aunt
These 'Dear Deidre' articles scraped 10/03/2024 from The Sun website https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre
Please note the id is not a UUID, duplicates occur where more than one question/answer is present on the webpage (occurs on the older articles)
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